Reviews for 29
Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 3/28/2007
More structure. That is what this poem needs, in particular line breaks. Something like:

They told me repeatedly,

with their baited breaths

and angular track marks,

‘This is not an exit, darling.’

But I refused to heed,

drunkenly grasping

for another line

and slicing open my flesh

in the process.

I'd also recommend getting rid of the second "and" and the "but" before that.

It's a bit too cliched and self-depracating to really work I think. Changing up a few of the phrases to inject some originality into this would really help.

Otherwise I really like your last three lines, it climaxes well.

.:midnight:.