Reviews for Mannequin
123454321 chapter 1 . 3/8/2008
'Words no longer console me/Weeping no longer soothes the pain'- Very nicely worded. Though a throughly used sentiment, I feel the context of this piece gives it new life.

As I was reading your description of the mannequin, I found myself hoping to read something about how they dress and pose you as they please. I feel this concept could add something too the piece, but do as you please.

-J.A.

Courtesy of the review marathon (link on profile).
Yokotaashi chapter 1 . 5/16/2007
If you want criticism, this sounds more like a story than prose, buit if you're getting over a block, it might take forcing some lines with illiteration, rhyming, a defined meter, etc, even it looses some meaning
xbluxmoonx chapter 1 . 3/29/2007
wow. i like it. it's pretty powerful. awesome writing! and seriously, there shouldn't be any flames to this. i'm listening to music right now, and to me- this sounds like it could be transformed into lyrics- a chorus here, another chorus there. lol. nice work!
trrstrgtdxghtre chapter 1 . 3/29/2007
I really Like This poem I completely understand You are a amazing Writer!
The Simple chapter 1 . 3/29/2007
Damn! I LOVE this!

This has a lot to do with what my friends and I are going through right now- whether to step up or dissapear from the big picture and become faceless.

Excellent!
BeautyntheBreak chapter 1 . 3/28/2007
I liked this poem, although I do think that your last two lines were stating something very different from the rest of the poem. I got the message of trying to be something you're not, from all but the last two lines and what a child would think to themselves after the death of a parent they strived too hard to please.
Lillie Moore chapter 1 . 3/27/2007
Was he trying to convince himself that he was a 'real child' in the begining? I like it. Not bad.
unspecified chapter 1 . 3/27/2007
omg. this is amazing. this is like everything i would ever want to write. seriously you are really good. it's defenitly going on my favorite's list. you have a serious amount of talent!

me~
Neteri Bennu chapter 1 . 3/27/2007
"But seriously...don’t just flame"

Oh darn... I needed to vent... Just kidding... its good.
S. Ben Beach chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
well, it's still pretty good, in spite of a writer's block!

Although at times the lines are a bit cliched ("Weeping no longer soothes the pain"), but some really good lines in there, like "Personality is merely a myth." Even with a writer's block this is really good!
Gonzovalies chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
Hey man..

I really like the mannequin perspective, I totally relate to the whole "puppet" or "a real child" theory. I personally refur to lifes "puppets" as the "ignorant masses" or "sheep". And the "real child", which we all aspire to be, I refur to them as "those who try to be human".
aridelaine chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
Well first off I understand the writers block thing, nasty little thing is in it. On to the poem...over all I liked it there are a few things that could be improved on. One thing that I noticed was the trasition between the 11th and 12th line seemed a little awkward. I had to reread it and even then it seemed funny. Then in line 8, you have "which words should be spoken" I think changing it to the "the words should be spoken". the word which just did not seem to fit. I dont know. Keep writing!