|Reviews for Dark Magick Terror|
| Le Cosmonaute chapter 1 . 7/30/2007
Great story! I love your characters, and the fact that the plot was introduced quickly. You have some problems with the tenses, and a few grammar mistakes. The tone might be a little too quick, so it's hard to make sense in some places, but the plot is great and I'd love to see where you're going with this.
| Sea Witch chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
First off, I like the idea of the story - where it's going. I think you could have a really great story if you fix your writing a bit. One of the main problems is that you keep changing tenses. "Has been" (past inperfect - I think it's called), "was" (past), and "is" (present) are all used within the same sentences, let alone the same paragraphs. There are some cases where you can use more than one tense, but they don't come very often. Try sticking with psat or present tense. Another problem is that you tend to write like you're talking. That's fine for emails and such but it gives a different feeling to stories. Unless you're trying for a creative writing style, try writing a bit more formally. Spell things out for the reader, assume we don't know much. Give us descriptions, explanations - but make them part of the story. Tell us that Kitty tossed her midnight black hair out of her eyes, or that Caroline stretched in the doorframe, her fingers just brushing the top. That way you blend the information into the story. Also, letting us know who the narrator is would be nice. The narrator can be a character in the story, which is what she sounds like at the moment, but in that case other people have to address her and she has to take part in the story. Otherwise there are many other versions of narrators. If you want to look up ways to narrate stories or other such stuff Sherwood Smith is a great author with information on her website to help young authors.
| Yalime Alokin chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
I think this is a pretty good idea, but you definitely need to polish up your writing style, it was very... kind of unfocused, and you kept changing the tense. still, keep writing
i think a suggestion would be to give more detail. i think that's what this story really lacks.