|Reviews for An April Fool's Day Carol|
| Smile23 chapter 1 . 4/1/2009
| Imalefty chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
review game! :D (it seems you always play the review game after i post. weird. XD)
hahaha, your first line already catches my attention. great "hook" there. :) though i have a SLIGHT feeling that it's going to be hard to give a "depth" review to this story... XD
nice reference to "a christmas carol." well placed. i like your "ghost" here... a whoopee cushion. i wonder what it's voice sounds like...
this is a great parody... ebenezer has that sort of stiff, formal way of talking ("I am mortal. I cannot fly. I shall fall.") and then comes past with his "too bad." so good! :)
haha, they're lost! in the past! XD that's pretty intense. again, you've done a great job with the parody...
yay! an april fool's joke. will this WHOLE THING be an april fool's joke? O.o?
include the narrator. nice.
aw, i thought that "tooth fairy" deal was going to be an april fool's joke again. ("Really?" ["April Fool's!"])
yay! another april fool's joke! :D
great alliteration you got there. XD
hahaha the reaper! poor reaper... can't be around sick people. XD that was a nice little detail.
great ending, though it was just a bit abrupt (i think it was supposed to be that way).
wonderful use of dialogue... even though most of the lines are REALLY short (like... one word) it's still effective. it flows nicely, too.
even though there weren't many descriptions, i thought it was fine for this piece.
good job with plot, though it felt a bit rushed toward the end. anyway, great job! (as usual)
(actually, this reminded me a bit of quirky... it has the same kind of tone to it. :D)
| Seigetsu Ren chapter 1 . 2/17/2008
I'm going to write this as I read the story so if it sounds fragmented, please bear with me!
Writing: I like your clarity. It was nice. Quite an easy read. The style really suits this type of plot. Good job on that.
Dialogue: In general it seems okay, but Ebenezer sounds somewhat "ancient" at times, like the "I shall fall". Perhaps "I will fall" would suit better.
Characters: Love the whoopy cushion! Too bad it doesn't have eyes...The other characters were quite ordinary. I could understand though since this is a humour fic, so I guess it is okay even if they don't have tremendous depth.
Plot: I think the beginning part about Scrooge and Jones was a bit confusing and not too engaging. It is probably fine as a part of the middle of the story, but personally, I think it doesn't serve as a very good hook. You may want to start with something a bit more exciting. On the other hand, I found the daily planner to be a better starter. As for the rest of the story, it was average. I like the quick pace and clarity, but to be honest, it wasn't extremely funny. The last joke was good though. I liked it.
Overall I did enjoy the story. It was an easy and light read. Good job and keep writing!
| DaChickenAmI chapter 1 . 1/23/2008
O, wow...That was fun; both to read and visualize.
"It's April Fool's Day, fool." Ahaha.
"He had every appearance of justification for his question." That sentence was kind of awkward, even though I knew what you meant.
"No, actually," it replied, "Technically, I'm the Grim Reaper." That one was wierd too. I think it would work better if you either got rid of actually or technically...
Or I could be wrong. That DOES tend to happen sometimes...Loved it, though. There were so many other lines that I liked, but to quote them all here would be too long and probably boring for you (I mean, you DID write this stuff).
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 8/24/2007
I review game you!
A very good first line to capture the reader (aka, moi!) And the dog needs counseling after seeing the vet? WTF? ;
"knocking on his window" and later "didn’t open the window"
window, window. Settle with an it for the latter.
I won't let you get away with this! Write "number" silly woman!
*chuckles when Past threw a fool on hte fool* OMG I was so not expecting that!
I think you overdid the "Why me?" part a TAD too much *glares* Any more, and you'd break the internet like Blysse. Le sigh.
"“I have a message from the Narrator,” the Messenger announced. “The Narrator says: Silence! I am the Narrator! You are the Protagonist. Stop Narrating, or I’ll tell the Audience that you’re ugly.”"
Your dialog is silly, crazy, but most of all, effective and keeps interest!
Might I also add, that I like the fairy? Fairy High Five! Oh yeah! And the Tom conversation was just fabuolous as was the Grim Reaper filling in Aww how sweet of him! Good old chap!
... And it was a joke. Ack, I love your twists
Wonderful story, lovely twists as well as humor! The ending could use a bit of working though. It is isn't as best as it could be, I feel.
Keep it up!
| Ariel of Wonderland chapter 1 . 8/11/2007
Oh. My. Goodness.
I started laughing so hard I fell out of the chair. So now, you have caused me pain, but it was worth it.
I love the characters most of all, and how it was all sort of a badly shot movie, with directors and what not.
The friendly banter between Jones and the Reaper was quite nice as well. But of course, the icing on the cake:
"“I think I might have built up an immunity to that fairy dust.”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” Future assured him.
“Alright then,” and with that, Ebenezer stepped out of the window and fell, screaming. The green-clad fairy appeared and sprinkled her dust on him, and, for a moment, he appeared to stop. But then he started falling again.
But, just before he hit the pavement, Ebenezer stopped falling, straightened himself out, and grinned at the horrified Future.
He got a sense of humor!
Happy ending! Yes!
Definitely a favorite.
| ham3 chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
This tale is hilarious! I was chuckling through the whole thing. And the ending was great!
| hide your eyes chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Lmao. I loved it, good job!
| Shaddie chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
A nice little story...good job :)