Reviews for Mortal Limbo
Aimee Raven chapter 1 . 2/18/2008
"What do you think? I am a snake-charmer, after all" that's my only criticism...it seemed slightly tacky to have him say "I am a snake-charmer, after all" since the reader can't miss the fact he's a snake-charmer from your narrative, so I doubt the girl managed to avoid the fact. I just...I'm sorry, it just bugged me for a moment there. I think you should definitely write more, I want to know what happens!
emptyword chapter 1 . 4/28/2007
Whoa. Thrilling and crammed with action. I could not for the life of me pull myself away for a second. Continue?
evm chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
I found this to be quite interesting, and I definitely want to know where it's going now (based on your summary). The only thing that really stuck out to me as something that needed to be fixed was the fact that your snake-charmer started out speaking very formally and then suddenly devolved into slang (the 'gonna's.) I liked him both ways; formally, he presented a creepy very deliberate inhuman front, and with the more informal speach, he was more of a corrupted street-character. It's not really a big thing, more the use of one word, and all really technical (and maybe just in my head). I'm not really sure if anyone else would notice; I'm just hyper sensitive because I can't write dialogue for crap. Looking forward to reading more.
lackluster chapter 1 . 4/9/2007
my my my. you really have something here.

it's interesting, vulgar and exciting...all the best.
Aquafied chapter 1 . 4/8/2007
choking on blood

i love this.