|Reviews for The Awful|
| deefective chapter 1 . 9/20/2008
Flow: The flow was a bit choppy at the beginning but it evened out quickly and it was actually very fluent by the end.
Technical Aspects: I think that maybe you should've bolded some parts or added another formatting effect to assert your point. That would've made this piece more emphasized. But that could be just me because I like the look of different formatting in a piece.
Stanzas: I'm really glad you didn't just mash this all together and you took the time to separate the stanza's. That's what kept the flow on the right track.
Descriptions/images: You describe some in this piece but I don't think it was enough. Maybe if you pushed the point a bit more and used more descriptive words it would've been better. Hmm, actually I'm not sure what it was but the descriptions just felt a bit empty.
Word choice: The word choice fit this piece very well actually. It was nothing too complex yet nothing too common so that it would be boring.
Enjoyment: I did like reading this piece, especially because of the fact that it's named "The Awful". The title alone is enough to get me interested.
Poetic Devices: I'm also really glad you didn't rhyme. It might've worked for this piece but if it was above amazing. The no-rhyming was the right way to go. It took away the cheesy-ness and added an edge to it.
Subject: Basically what I got is that there is something or someone who is bad for you and has caused a lot of pain and damage and they are just...awful.
There were a few little bits here and there that could've been improved but overall, it was nice to read. Interesting too. Good job.
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
Good poem. I think we all want to be free sometimes.
| MetalCloud chapter 1 . 8/22/2007
Oh. Crap. That was incredible. I've only really started reading poetry on this site since my friend started posting hers (and I starting writing some, natch) but this is possibly the best poem I have ever read. Not just on the internet but ever. Ever. I'm really pathetic, I know, but it really is incredible. My reviews do tend to gush sometimes, and the last one I gave you certainly did, but there you have it. It is a stupendous poem.
| SayIt'sWrong chapter 1 . 6/5/2007
Very powerful piece and very well written. I like the repetition because I feel that it reinforces what you are staying and really adds to the poem.
Really well done, great poe.
P.s Thanks for your review, it meant a lot!
| M. Edmondson chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
Your poem held powerful words, though I didn't feel any magic with in them. I hate to be rather rued, and I really don't mean to be, I'm just saying that I think you should take more time with your poetry to make your words deeper. In this poem it seems very blunt, and glib. Make your poem more capitvating. As I say to a lot of poets on this sight, but play with your words.
And what you said about my poem, I will certainly get to that. I will fullfill your wish of my weak ending and make it stronger for you. I really appreciate your honesty. I'll be reading more of your poetry.
| hermione032192 chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
Very powerful. You have a unique voice. _
| Bri Neves chapter 1 . 5/26/2007
A bit ambiguous, but that is part of its beauty..._
| ecwix chapter 1 . 5/17/2007
Hmm, it's amazing how repetition can make a few words much more piercing. You repeat a few words over and over again here, but yet, they don't seem overused-just more powerful.
I like it!
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 5/4/2007
I actually like the "You awful" at the end.
Very dark, good job.
| Atropa Belladonna87 chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
i'm not sure i quite get this but i think it speaks off clearly some good amount of hatred and inability to escape it. i'm sure the meaning is w/ u but it's expressive nonetheless
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 4/13/2007
Interesting. This is a creative sort of angst-refute, which I like very much. Use of adjectives as nouns is lots and lots of fun. My critiques are that the last line needs to say "you're", but could be gotten rid of entirely. Also, the repitition in the second-to-last could be chopped down a bit, if simply to keep the reader's mind on the nice line "Take your fingers from my mind". "You are the duller" needs a period. Your descriptions are quite unique. Pretty good poem.
| Ashelin chapter 1 . 4/10/2007
So dark, so undoubtably wonderful. "Take your fingers from my mind,/I want to be free." Beautiful. Great job, keep writing.