Reviews for Coma
ReflectingLexiW chapter 1 . 10/24/2008
This piece is so well written, the thoughts and emotions in the piece seem to blend so seamlessly together. I literally had tears in my eyes when I finished. You are such a talented writer, keep it up!
nagasasu chapter 1 . 10/11/2008
There really is something in here I think everyone can relate to. I assume the POV changes between "So please. Wake up." and "Ha. He's gone." With the love-sick boy telling the first half and the jaded girl telling the last half? If there is, there really does need to be a break there (or knowing FP, it was being stupid and got rid of the break).

The emotions ring true, but I thought it got a bit wordy at times. But, when I got to the girl's POV, it really hit home: that she knew all this time and was pushing him away! So yes. Really good piece of writing here.
Alex J. Carter chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
OMG I Truly Love This One-Shot. It Is So Hard To Explain Why This Hit So Deep In My Heart, But You've Opened Some Sort Of Pain That I've Repressed. But I Need This Pain, It Makes Me Think Clearly.

Prium chapter 1 . 2/25/2008
Well i realized my comment wasn't appropriately detailed, so I thought I'd continue with a follow-up. First...didn't think it was a girl. Second, I've never had such a cloud of thoughts swirl around in my brain for such a short piece, or even a longer piece at that. Thirdly, I would just like to tell you that your story was a catalyst for me writing again. My writer's block has ended.

I think that is sufficient enough praise. Because what's a better compliment than that?
Prium chapter 1 . 2/25/2008
Zhenny chapter 1 . 1/27/2008
Well, that's down-right depressing. But I like it. A lot. I'm unsure if I'm able to identify with this because I am in a relationship, or because as a reader, I naturally find a way to identify myself with anything I read. But all that matters is that I feel a personal connection to this, and I can understand where both parties are coming from here. You write very well, and I'm a fan.
thinkTwice Nfall chapter 1 . 1/8/2008
I'm gonna say something really weird: G-G-G-GASP!

That was - I can't believe - Oh my gosh - *splutters*

It was really weird. But not in a bad way. Like, (wow, do I sound like an airhead?) it really makes you think. Your one-shot is like one of those philosophical-type stories that you hate the ending to because you wish it was happier but that you wouldn't want to end another way because the ending is what makes the story so memorable. (Does that make sense?)

At first, I thought that the coma you were speaking of was a literal coma, and I figured that it would have the cliche ending where the girl wakes up and realizes that she loves the guy back. But no, you definitely proved me wrong. The oneshot was so incredibly sad but somehow beautiful at the same time. Bittersweet. I love your story, but it really does make your heart ache for what the characters made each other go through. You definitely conveyed the characters emotions perfectly without having to outright say what they were feeling.

You're an awesome writer. (I wish you had a happy one-shot though. Oh well.)

Gullveig chapter 1 . 1/3/2008
This was so beautiful and sad at the same time. I loved it.
Jennifer Leigh chapter 1 . 11/23/2007
It's seven in the morning, and I don't typically have anything intelligent to say this early. This was very good, though. I liked how you gave the other perspective at the end, especially because you go through the bit with him thinking she's the one who's in a "coma" and needs to wake up, and then come to realize he's really the one who's been figuratively "asleep." Anyway, as I'm sure you know, I prefer nice, happy, tidy romances, but I can handle reality in short doses. :) Keep writing!
Sesheta chapter 1 . 9/20/2007
wow. I'm crying. That was amazing. By "I'm glad you've finally woken up" do you mean she's glad that he decided not to wait for her anymore? She doesn't think she deserves him, and she think he's finally come to his senses?

Anyway, amazing one shot. You packed a lot of emotion in that tiny package.
World's Wonderer chapter 1 . 8/4/2007
Amazingly writen! It truely does describe love. Love is so misunderstood and there are so many types of love, but only so many people can truely tell that's true. I'm not saying I know love because I truely don't, but you are the the only person I've seen so far who gets that there is more than one kind of love. Great work!
Greenonthecurb chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
I had to blink away tears when I read this. WOW.
Da Vinci at Work chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Wonderfully written.
Pyrgus chapter 1 . 4/12/2007
This is great. I found it very touching! I loved the ending when she says "I've been awake. It's you who's been sleeping. I'm glad you've finally woken up."

For some reason I just think that last line sums the entire one shot up. This is probabally the best one shot I've ever read. Favorite stories list for sure!
Anon chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
It's really thought-provoking. Seriously, that she was prepared to let him go even when he was the only one there for her because she knew it was best for him. To be that unselfish after having him strung along for so long really is quite incredible, I know that if I were in her position I'd've woken up and carried on using him.

Anyway, I like the parallels; she's the one who is supposed to be 'asleep' in a coma and to the extent of his love, when in reality she isn't to either and he's the one 'asleep' to the reality of her situation.

The reason why I'm ranting on and telling you how your oneshot works is because I really liked it.

To Summarise; this is a great oneshot, I didn't notice any mistakes either because I'm half awake or because there weren't any) for me, because it's so short it holds up and keeps going. You captured the emotions of the two people with the words 'Ugh' and 'Ha' and you manage, in the space of a few words, to create a story poignant, moving and raw.

In other words; Well Done
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