|Reviews for Decadent|
| anti-climax chapter 2 . 5/30/2007
I have one comment on this... Is this story in the third person POV or in first person? Because the way I see it, it goes both ways and I'm not even sure the first person perspective is from whose POV.
I'll give you an example...
'Katlee quickly went to her rooms to change. After throwing on some black breeches with a small inch of ruffle at the bottom, a long sleeve white top, and a black corset of the top she was ready to go. She ran down the east foyer steps to the courtyard and walked up to Seth and Eroc. Standing behind them was Abby. Abby was one of the only girl friends Katlee had. Most of if stemmed from the fact that Katlee didn’t enjoy the normal activities a young woman usually did. She had no interest in weddings or clothes. Abby was a fierce woman over 800 years old. She stood wearing dark brown leather breeches and a jerkin. Her long orange tail was sleek and lazily twitching behind her occasionally flicking to the sword sheathed at her hip. Abby wore a sad expression and she wasn‘t the only one.
“Why the long faces? I’ll be back! Come on guys!” Katlee said to their sad faces.
“What if you make different friends and you like them more? What if you meet a girl and you become best friends with her and decide I am not so great? What if you finally find a man tha…,” Abby ranted only to be cut off by Seth.
“As if any other man compares to me. Honestly Abby, what are you thinking?” Seth sneered giving an over dramatic hand gesture. We all laughed. Seth glared at the laughter.'
From the first part, there seems to be no apparent first person view. Katlee, Abby, Seth...so on so forth. Then in the last paragraph, there's this part-we all laughed. There is another similiar situation up top; and one can't help but wonder whether there's some other character unmentioned by one, namely the person who is witnessing all these events.
Do you get what I mean? I hope I'm not confusing you so far...
Keep to one perspective only; either in first person or third person view. Combining the both can be quite confusing for readers...
But other than that, good job.
| TwilightMoon chapter 6 . 4/20/2007
This story keeps getting better. The length of your paragraphs ususally is balanced by your dialogue which makes for a fast pace read. I think the characters are pretty interesting too. If your looking for ways to spice things up you could add a sex scence. J/k at least for now :) Why are you reading this crappy review still UPDATE!
| anti-climax chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
I don't quite get the spacing bit. I do believe it's intentional but I fail to see the art in it... Unless you place complete sentences in one line before spacing the next. That would seem neater I guess, and more coherent.
trauma spelt wrongly. And is there a blackening word in existence? I thought blacking out should more than suffice...
I like the short sentences, like Everywhere. Running. Burning. Ripping. it seems quite interesting :)
An intriguing prologue, but the spacing seems weird to me somewhat. Right, that's all for now.
| pandathecupcake chapter 1 . 4/19/2007
Hey just wanted to say I'm reading your 's pretty kick ass. Update soon. Only critque I have agreed with Scribe but you edited already so on wards.
| QukeandGin chapter 4 . 4/19/2007
I love the story so far. So the cute guy has arrived is Abel the guy that Kat going to get with? I loved the biscuit scene! I can't wait until you put the next chapter up.
| Understandably chapter 2 . 4/18/2007
Very interesting and original. Katlee is one of the toughest heros I've read about. I was a bit confused on what some of the characters looked like. Also, you had some awkward sentences that I had to read over. Proofreading is tedious but it makes the overall story better. Keep updating, I like it.
| milkcookiee chapter 2 . 4/18/2007
Awesome magic idea. Will look for your update.
| TwilightMoon chapter 3 . 4/18/2007
I hope you update soon. The world is really cool. Don't worry about the the explaining I think it's needed.