This is for the first chapter-

I have to say your writing is error free and flows freely, which is always great to see. But, during the first half of the chapter the story was quite tedious because you made the character describe his appearance, and then made him describe the girls he was looking at right down to the brand of their clothes. The thing is, you should make the reader see, and not actually show them. Also, making the character observe all that makes him painfully self-conscious. It might work in an instance where the character is like a detective or something. Perhaps, if you had used third person POV instead of first, it might have been better.

Nonetheless, I'm going to keep reading because your story looks really interesting. If you have time, you should rewrite some parts because this is really cool, and could be developed for better.

Haha will you be updating?

Lovely story by the way :)

xx

Ali

this story is funny, and captivating and I have fallen in luv with it, so if u can even thos been a while plz update soon

poor thing he seems so frustrated , um , what id give to help him wiht , i like the story and i cnt wait for more! its really great!

Hey, great story so far.

although i do kinda feel bad for this guy ha ha lol. cant wait for the next chapter

Lol This is soo funny I was laughing when I read every chapter ohh my gosh it was too funny I cant wait to read the next chapter :D

well I feel sorry for him

interesting...update soon

wait, he's a killer? assassin? dude! write again! don't abandon it!

are u still writing this story? i hope you are. it is a really good story

ah i love thsi story will him and elena ever get together

i find Kyrian to be cute and funny.

lol

-stareyed

I love your writting. Though are you going to update as none of your stories are complete which is so annoying as I want to know what happens, I am very impatient!

I really enjoy this story. I love the writing style and whatnot. Normally I wouldn't read a story with like an assasin or some secret thing, but this is good. It's good to have such a mysterious character. The chapters could be longer, but as long as it's updated soon, I don't mind :]

If you've ever watched "Dexter" or read the book it's based on, this story kind of (just kind of) reminds me of it, which is a VERY good thing.

Please update soon!

i love this! update soon!