|Reviews for The Games|
| Zeppy chapter 11 . 8/23/2008
OMG so far this is amazing! It's one of those things you've just gotta keep reading. Mystery, suspence... It's perfect!
| Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 11 . 5/17/2008
You do a great job in this chapter of furthering the bond between Puss and Phoenix and keeping both of them in character. the sudden break of Phoenix's calm shows the reader that she can feel as anyone else would in her situation, which brings the reader closer to her.
Although, i think a title for this chapter is in order. What about...
Chapter 11: Trusting Yellow Cat
| Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 10 . 5/17/2008
Yellow Cat/Puss is a loyal friend, which makes the story more interesting, since she's often bribed to do something against her friend. But, as it's chapter 10, I would like to learn more about Yellow Cat/Puss' previous relationship toward Red Phoenix, since Red Phoenix is so admired by Puss.
I found a minor error, a sentence missing a few words.
Butterfly sighed and shook her long sandy hair.
Maybe change it to: Butterfly sighed and shook her long sandy hair from her eyes.
Something like that. Great chapter.
| Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 9 . 5/17/2008
I know what you're trying to do by getting Phoenix captured, but I have to diagree with it on a small level. The way you set Phoenix up from the beginning, the reader expects her to at least struggle for a few minutes and force the gaurds to grab her, even if she doesn't use a weapon.
I also expected her to hide the weapon somewhere on her person so that it would be there later.
That's just something I thought I'd mention.
However, I do like her resigned and calm attitude toward her situation. It shows that she's not all about fighting and that she is intelligent and cunning.
| Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 8 . 5/17/2008
The dialogue in this scene is very colloquial and smooth. I like how Phoenix's character is portrayed through her arrogant smirks. I also like how she has the power over Marlin and the way her pressence seems to affect everyone she talks to, whether it's negative or positive.
I noticed one error:
“Aah, but it is the point, Wolf." Mrlin returned.
I think you meant, "A,ha, but it is the point, Wolf." Marlin returned.
| Frosthold chapter 19 . 3/12/2008
So that was very good. The attention to detail was wonderful and I loved the bit you put in about the "hawk and its unnerving, crystalline gaze." Really, really good. The only error I can find is that you have Dragon drawing his sword twice. Also, you could make the sentence at the end much more dramatic by saying "as much as it unnerved him, witchcraft was useful."
Great work once again!
| Carmel March chapter 19 . 3/10/2008
Absolutely wonderful. I love every bit of this story :)
Keep up the fantastic work!
| ebony-ink chapter 19 . 3/8/2008
Very awesome, it was worth the wait XD
It's all getting exciting now isn't it?
Looking forward to the next chapter when you're ready XD
Have fun at cattle country!
| kittymobile chapter 19 . 3/2/2008
Hmm..nice a/n but i'm afraid i can blame you for choosing your boyfriend. Remember that book about finding the time?xD.
Dragon swore. He was already asking himself what he had got himself into.
hneh hneh hneh. reflective of his personality.
There was a slight blur to his hands. He was moving them ever so slightly but at extreme speed.
Dragon drew his hefty sword
Dragon drew his sword
Is the repetition here intended?
along with their life if they weren’t fast enough in reply.
Don't need 'in reply' ]
is there an 'e' ? I'm not sure S
Unless the mess was you.
alarms to show louder still
sound louder still?
unnerving, crystalline gaze
i like that
He didn’t like this witchcraft but it was useful.
sums up his feelings exactly ]
good chapter- juss too short hon P ;)
or the bf gets it XDXD
| Parchment Quill chapter 19 . 3/2/2008
Wow, it has been quite a while since you last updated, and therefore quite a while since I last read this. I am just a little bit confused about what is going on. Anyways, good chapter, update soon, please.
| Little Miss Mania chapter 1 . 1/23/2008
| kittymobile chapter 18 . 1/3/2008
Gah, i made yoo hit a 100 reviews...*hates it n is jealous* [
Review me ppl, yoo kno yoo love me! XDXD. It's honestly really good so far though dearie.
She would not resort to calling her name out to the black just to keep her sanity.
Amazing end to this chapter and, if i'm not mistaken, your writing is coming on in leaps and bounds. The last few chapters i've had hardly or no complaint to make on your writing. I'm jealous. Go read mine. Make me feel better -
| kittymobile chapter 17 . 1/3/2008
Ah shyt, long one XD *is feeling the strain of all this review making, not the reading, you understand.*
It didn’t matter that he was only in the first level and probably safe, he hadn’t even done it because the levels were more dangerous.
Yoo need a full stop after safe...or a semi colon
and that one had become instinct.
This dude is abit of a mystery
Interesting dude tho.
| kittymobile chapter 16 . 1/3/2008
\ I actually have nothing to complain about. Very good chapter. They finally meet! YAY ! -
| kittymobile chapter 15 . 1/3/2008
The swirling, eddying darkness was almost hypnotic, drawing her in further and further…
Drew me in too .
But beneath her feet the ground cracked, dissipated into the gloom and the bars began to tumble.
No buts to start a sentence, works well without it anyways if yoo look.
Phoenix’s fingers tense as they whip through the air, keeping her perfect poise.
Her gaze is focused on that last strip of light.
Don't need is.
Like it. Especially the last part. Not much wrong here at all - You're making my job easy .