|Reviews for Sakura|
| RuathaWehrling chapter 1 . 6/7/2007
This is a pretty poem and I sympathize with the feelings of the persona: nature can indeed be beautiful and peaceful.
A couple of technical suggestions I have, if I may:
1.) "Its branches sway gently in the breeze / The petals falling gracefully on the ground" - The change in verb tense (sway vs falling) surprised me here. It just feels like a great spot for parallelism to me. To put these in parallel, you would either use "sway" and "fall" or "swaying" and "falling". *shrug* Just a suggestion, but read it aloud and think about it.
2.) "Sometimes has a meaning for romance" - It feels like you're missing a word here. Sometimes WHAT has a meaning for romance?
3.) "As I watch a petal fall slowly to my palm / The scenery just leaves you in surprise and awe" - The jump from "I" to "you" is startling here, and it doesn't make much sense. Someone else watching a petal doesn't leave ME in surprise, after all.
Okay, I'm done picking you apart technically. I promise! :) Really, it is a lovely poem. Thanks very much for the read!
| The Monkey King of Pirates chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
This is beautiful!