|Reviews for Mother's Poison|
| Jason Mansmann chapter 1 . 10/18/2007
I am sorry. I did not realize how bad your mother truly is. Sometimes I get mad when my mom yells at me for not being ready on time but now I truly understand. Thanks to you I will never make that mistake again.
| Seurat chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
Ah...this is a bit better. It is not as lost to all hope as was the last, however, it still requires a bit of improvement. Might I suggest reading the book "Night" by Elie Wiesel? It provides a magnificient example of haunting experiences, and uses a narrative style that is disturbed unto insanity, so that in reading the most irrelevant sentence one imagines a devastated, nigh-shattered man whose psyche is utterly possessed by such experiences. I noted your style to be bland, a mite "Americanesque", without flavour. Of course, I garnered shame, guilt, despondency from the meaning of the sentences. Yet, by the sentences themselves, it seemed as though the subject narrator could have been referring to a party with that style. If you had disturbed it more, perhaps even degenerated the narration at certain points to resemble the lament of a child at that age, it would have made that much more of an affect. However, overall, it demonstrates potential. Thou art not wholly lost, it seems, to the faults of this sentimental generation.
And as for the last review: I was not judging thou. I was not even considering thine intent or personality as I wrote it. You, as an individual, were as distant from my consciousness as is the sun from cold, wretched Pluto. When I review, I ignore the summary and the stated intent, and instead discern these from the poem itself. I do not care whether you were rambling, or merely posted the thing as catharsis, I shall still review it on the professional, artistic level. And when the poem has to do with human thought, I critique the thoughts. I critique the theme. Finally, madamemoiselle, I am impartial. I am objective. Thou art not the only such author to recieve a review of such disgust. When I review, thy poem and thine pen are mine for scrutiny-I care not what the accompanying human baggage must advertise about it.
| Elegant Raven chapter 1 . 6/28/2007
I really enjoyed reading this. It was raw and filled with emotion and the reader empathized without pitying. The way you ended this short story was extremely genuine and made it that much better. I wasn't sure though if you meant to end sentences incompletely. In the beginning I knew you were, but in sentences like, "It made me think. Only a moment ago, all of the responsibilities of being a mother were upon me." To me, these sentences should have been together, but I think you did this on purpose. What really made me enjoy this short story was the fact that you used simple words to convey all this meaning. It shows that you don't have to try to color the rainbow because it's beautiful just as it is, without all the added shades and hues.
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
Touching. Very well written. Good job.