Reviews for Heat
Nyx'sReincarnation chapter 20 . 6/7/2012
Great story! It could be a bit longer and more detailed though...

Keep up the great work, and update the third one!

Tarah xXx
someone chapter 7 . 1/15/2011
umm... random much? i'm totally all for the plot line but i think that characters such as the dark ones, their lord person, and the queen should all have been introduced earlier in the story. this random appearence seems to be exactly that, random and not thought out. maybe having a prologue about how the lord of the dark ones and the queen fought in a war which resulted in a curse. it might draw more readers to continue to read and at the same time not confuse the readers so much. but other than that, i really like the story.
ggg chapter 7 . 1/19/2008
the dark ones seemed kind of cheesy you're a good writer though. have you ever seen the winx club? its sort of exactly like that LOL
PurpleEyesOfTruth chapter 8 . 6/29/2007
OK... Honest opinion of your story is that, well, it's too cliched. You know, the entire "I have to save the world because I'm the only one that can and I have to marry the kind of bad guys" thing. I mean, the characters and stuff are really good but the plot kind of simple and boring. Also, I doubt the principal would ever send a girl down there. Sure, she might be strong but just send her like that? I really don't think any principal would send a pupil down there. As for the rest, well, her life just seems so perfect... I really hope you don't mind my critcism but I'm trying to be honest...
Frau Welt chapter 20 . 6/28/2007
Queen Flamira is still alive?
Streamwolf8 chapter 20 . 6/27/2007
Wohoo! Awesome finale!

o_o How on EARTH is Rae's great-great-great grandmother still alive? Intriguing...

*thumbs up* Great job!
Frau Welt chapter 19 . 6/27/2007
Short and sweet!
Streamwolf8 chapter 18 . 6/14/2007
Looking good! I'm curious to see what's happening next... I have two guesses at this point, one more likely than the other.
Fumie Miyuki chapter 1 . 6/14/2007
Nya, I like this already, but I'm too tired now to coninue onward. I swear to read more chapters tomorrow!
Streamwolf8 chapter 15 . 5/28/2007
D Love the plot twist in Chapter 14! And the whole battle is going really well... Though I didn't know that the moon could refuel Rae's power as well. Star fire, I guess P Or reflected sunlight from the moon's surface. Can't wait for the next chapter!

P.S. Noticed the name thing about Rae and Spark, and a little bit Damien, but not really for the others. D Cool.
Frau Welt chapter 14 . 5/26/2007
Hey! Glad to hear you are working on your mistakes! Sorry I was a bit harsh!

Alright, other than some errors here and there with the grammar part, this chapter went good! oh, and I love the way you twisted the plot all of a sudden to make it harder for Rae to kill Damien!
Frau Welt chapter 13 . 5/25/2007
Alright, I'm back again with my pestering. Seriously, you should consider rechecking your work! Grammatical mistakes are something that you really have to work on! I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all, but I'd rather you get some constructive criticism then I flatter you blindly.

As I have already said, I compliment you for your story line and plot. It is rather well-developed.

I also like your characters, especially Spark. You have described him as a bit frail and its good to give your characters some weaknesses instead of making them all perfect. It makes them more interesting!
Frau Welt chapter 12 . 5/23/2007
Hello There! It's me, back again with an awfully long review for you!

'The noise got so loud I had to tune it out.'

It would probably be 'The noise got so loud that I had to tune it out.'

'I stood outside the small room and suddenly the door opened, I could sense the danger.'

This sentence is to congested. Perhaps you could break apart the words after the comma to put in a separate sentence or you could also use a semi-colon.

'The door slammed closed behind me and locked.'

It should probably be 'The door slammed close behind me and locked itself' or something of that sort or your sentence will sound weird.

'My sense of fear was heightening, I wanted to run back to my room and lock the door, but something told me I was supposed to be here.'

Again, this sentence is too congested and you should break it down.

'The heart (beats) and the breathing (returned) drowning my ears with the noise, I (turned) to face to the person that spoke. A scream slowly (rising) in my throat as I turned'

Your tenses in this part are not constant.

'The scolding hot water'

I think this was just bypassed by you because I think it should be 'scalding water'.

'“No you can’t...” I mumbled, I don’t he heard but that was okay.'

I think you missed a word after the 'don't'.

'that was my cousins'

From the formation of your sentence, I presume that you are addressing your cousin's wedding and not you cousins, because that would make the word 'cousin' plural and not mean the wedding of.

'I answer'

I think it was supposed to be in the past tense here.

'We are done the rehearsal'

It should be 'we are done with the rehearsal' if I am not wrong.

Alright, That's a long review! I'm sorry if I sounded naggy, but I thought a review like that was much better than a mere one suggesting that you update sooner!

On a much brighter note, I love the plot of this story. It's a fresh idea unlike the usual love stories we see. So, just use more varied sentence structures and it seems to me that your punctuation has been limited to just commas and fullstops. Try using semi-colons or colons to make your sentences seem more interesting, especially as you seem to have a knack for joining sentences. It makes your sentences look less congested.

Happy Writing

Toodles

Frau Welt
Streamwolf8 chapter 12 . 5/20/2007
X3 Hohoo, I completly forgot about the rehersal, and my mind was ahead on the wedding. Because of that, when I got the alert that there was a new chapter, I got all shivery. I just dread that Damien guy and anywhere he appears in the story... He gives me the creeps. P Proof that you've written him really well.

What I'm REALLY dreading is the next chapter x_x; And basically the rest of the story. Quite seriously, I'm getting edgy just thinking about it. XD Again, proof that you're writting it really well. AWESOME work. Keep it up!
Frau Welt chapter 11 . 5/19/2007
Hey! Great story!

Something to take note of though:

In one of your sentences, you had used this, 'But I had nothing else to where to bed so I put it on anyways.' I think it should be 'wear' and not 'where'.

'I went outside in the hall, the beating and breathing got louder.' Something sounds a bit wrong with this sentence. Pleases reconsider it!

Happy Writing!Have fun!
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