|Reviews for Magebound Short Story Collection|
| darknite109 chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Ah, that was nice. So they're not just dumbasses after all! I'm glad the annoying guys found each other! And it's nice to finally have some sex without Lark pulling his "Oh my, what have I done?"
| Amindaya chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Aw, they're not such bad guys after all.
| obsidiandreams chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
While reading, I was impressed by how you put so much about the characters into this story, so it didn't really seem like PWP at all. And I really liked how gentle Vaelen was when he realized that something was wrong and that Jan was genuinely afraid. I've read too much where one person says 'no' and the other takes it to mean 'yes,' so I liked when he asked for Jan's permission. (I may have been reading too much yaoi manga... it has saddened me greatly)
| Phantos chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
I suddenly like Vaelen. He's a better guy than I thought. A lot better guy... and Besteth isn't so bad either. Hm. I might have to reconsider my views of a few characters.
Mistakes, mistakes, most of them spelling... this seemed a lot more unedited than usual:
- "Who would want that over linen and silk and gold and the kind of man everyone wated to have?"
'Wated' should be 'wanted.
- "He was all prepaired to dance like strangers..."
'Prepaired' should be 'prepared.'
- "Aparently he was."
'Aparently' should be 'apparently.'
- "Jan's tongue moved sinously across that sensitive skin and Vaelen had to bite his lip to keep from moaning."
'Sinously' should be 'sinuously.'
- "So now that you now, how about I just leave, instead of you throwing me out."
The second 'now' should be 'know.'
- "That was the diference."
'Diference' should be 'difference.'
- "He could out to his boat, out to the sea, where it didn't matter if he was alone."
You're missing the 'go' after 'could.'
Now... did we know about this?:
"He hadn't kissed anyone like this since ... Well, since Naeven."
Because if we did, I must have forgotten, because I made a sound like "gyuhwahuh!" when I read that... If we did know, silly me for forgetting, since that explains a bit about Besteth. If not... GYUHWAHUH!
Good short, but it does need a bit more editing.
| SerialXLain chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Besteth sure gets straight to the point, hmm?
Hrm. So was Besteth freaking out because of the Mage's Council incident? I feel sorry for him. :( He almost reminded me of Lark then.
Wasn't expecting Jan to think of Naeven. O.O
"Love wasn't what he was looking for, but he could live with it." XD... That made me laugh...
Aw. XD And whoa baby. This is being dubbed as a whoa-baby-aw-how-cute fic. :nods:
| Koukasen chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
AW! First of all, for the record, you said Lark's least favorite word 14 times (don't ask me why I counted. #O# This is the face I made when Jan said what HAPPENED to him, you know? It's so sweet, how Vaelen and Jan are both so lonely, and then they found each other. It's so...T.T Do you have a tissue? Yeah, and these were characters that wern't really my favorites. How do you always manage to make me like characters I normally wouldn't like, Edward M. Sledge? Hm? Jan and Naeven, yeah? Well, I suppose if they were doing that rebelling thing together. -sighs- It's a small world. Loved it, though! Keep it up! .