|Reviews for My Control is Diseased|
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
Well written poem. Good title.
| fallin4ualwayz chapter 1 . 7/1/2007
) this is cool, i can't really put it into words!
| Marie Ellen chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
This is a great poem! Some of your techniques are incredibly effective. From the beginning, the forces are "enthusiastic," which is usually a positive word. But suddenly they're doing destructive things-and the reader wants to know why. "So I'll never slow down" does break the rhyme scheme, like others have mentioned, but to good purpose, I think. Breaking the rhyme scheme forces the reader to "slow down," just like the words. We're able to do something that the speaker isn't capable of, which, though it cannot increase our empathy, it can increase our sympathy.
I don't understand this line: "Don't think to struggle."
I think the last stanza could be strengthened somehow. I'm not sure where the speaker is being pulled as she pushes back. In the last two or three stanzas the initial "enthusiastic forces" seem to fall away, and bringing them back into the poem could tie the whole thing together thematically and make it feel more unified.
Again, great work, and thanks for the reviews of Experiments and Angel in White!
| Gripe chapter 1 . 6/21/2007
I really like this. Your choice of wording & form is beautiful.
| xDancingintheRainx chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
I like the something feels wrong, make it feel right and then back to wrong again part. Its like a struggling argument with the poem itself and I like the way you've written this. Nice work, and thanks for the reviews! )
| hermione032192 chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
| Bri Neves chapter 1 . 5/26/2007
Very nice. The meter seemed off a few places, but the eloquence of your writing compensated for that. _
| Auster2 chapter 1 . 5/22/2007
i like that last stanza. the poem is pretty itself. 3rd stanza first two lines are amazing as well. you use good contrast between the light and dark of your poem. meaning that in every stanza there seems to be a change between light and dark words. if that makes sense.
| ecwix chapter 1 . 5/17/2007
Wow, very nice. The rhyming seems so natural, not forced at all. The message is very deep as well. :)
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 5/4/2007
Wow... Great job.
| MKSub chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
This one is really good. I especially like the last stanza.
| Atropa Belladonna87 chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
Pushing back causes pain.
But giving in
Pulls me deeper yet again.
this is my favorite verse in the whole poem. it's rhyming, and just feels true. good work and i'd like to see some more of your work soon. i'll get on to reading your multi chaptered fiction but a little later. once again, promising work blysse and keep it up! D
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 4/23/2007
Not bad. The physical descriptions of the demon or whatever are palpable. I especially like "Enthusiastic forces,/Pressing inward on my soul...Stealing my balance,/To match it to their own." "So I’ll never slow down." breaks the rhyme scheme.