Reviews for The Vampire Queen
ZeAs9377153 chapter 2 . 5/14/2009
This is a great story line and I love how unexpected it is and how it not your typical vamps. The whole beautiful sleeping in a coffin thing was a little outplayed. The ridges that the vamps have on their forehead is really creative and different. The only advice I have to give you is that details are your best friend. Don't be afraif to describe everything and oause a moment in time to really let the readers get in the characters head. Don't rush your story, let it build up to each moment.
Carmel March chapter 23 . 9/27/2008
Oh, thanks for that cliffhanger ending! Jeez! :) You better update soon!
Carmel March chapter 22 . 9/14/2008
This story always manages to make me a happy happy person, with each and every update :) Great chapter. Can't wait for the next bit! And sorry I took so long to review!

~Carm~
CorruptGuardian chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
Hm. To be honest, I lost interest after the first couple paragraphs. In that time, though, I noticed you slip into passive voice, which is something you might want to avoid.

I didn't get farther than that because I found the dialog didn't really grab me. You start with a pointless conversation and some slight narration, and it gives the reader no reason to invest themself in the characters. It also fails to grab attention. I'd suggest opening on an action scene, instead, since it provides a much more solid point of interest. The reader won't care about trivial conversations if they don't care about the characters-which, at the beginning of the story, they never do.
rosieroo chapter 16 . 3/5/2008
im really liking this story! please update! PRETTY PLEASE! with a cherry on top?
rosieroo chapter 5 . 3/5/2008
i luv the bits in italic at the end! theyre awesome! great story so far, really liking it..

so the vamps can go out in sunlight? interesting!
Carmel March chapter 16 . 10/6/2007
Sorry, sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to take so long to review. I had read this when I had had a smidgen of time, but never managed to leave a review. But here I am :)

I can't get over how well this story is put together. It reads so smoothly, and it's so intriguing. This chapter was just as fantastic as the rest of them.

I'll try my best not to take a million kajillion years next time ;)

~Carm~
marinawings chapter 16 . 10/5/2007
poor rae! she's facing such a dilemma. i just love dante. he's such a sweetie. she should hang on to him-and not bite him. lol. keep up the good work!
marinawings chapter 15 . 7/24/2007
poor innocent little dante. just trying to help, lol. i think it's going to take a lot more than a thermos of pig's blood to help rae. the girl's got some serious emotional issues. but i like her. i like all of your characters.
Carmel March chapter 15 . 7/12/2007
That was...wow. Yes, that's the word to describe this chapter. Wow.

No, really. I loved the various interactions between the characters and the emotions that kind of escape through the narration and the dialogue. Great job. Update really soon!

~carm~
Carmel March chapter 14 . 7/3/2007
I was so happy to see that you updated. I've had a smile on my face from the moment I saw the update in my inbox to the moment I pressed the 'submit review' button :) Great chapter! I'm really liking the direction that this story seems to be going. Good job, and I hope to read more soon!
Maline Elensar chapter 1 . 7/2/2007
this is really good so far im going to read the rest later
marinawings chapter 13 . 6/11/2007
i'm glad rae was able to save poor dante! and poor rae! she must be going through a lot right now. i really love the way you write your characters. they are very real to me. anyway, good work with these last two chapters. update soon!
Carmel March chapter 13 . 6/10/2007
It's always a delight reading your story :) It's entertaining and quite cleverly done. Hope to read more soon!

~carm~
marinawings chapter 11 . 5/23/2007
how very sad! poor rae! her life really sucks, doesn't it? that really upset me about dante... but i must read more! what happens next?
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