|Reviews for A Demon is Not The Devil|
| Sky Pen chapter 1 . 4/21/2007
I read this and honestly, it's such a well written piece! I've never read anything quitel ike this. Keep up the good work!
| Baby Badoodles chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
ang galing ma... especially yung ending. i didnt expect that. sabi ko nga kay gise parang may friend kang vampire and you get your inspiration from him. haha.
one thing though... may inconsistency. sinabi mo ksi yung name, pero sa latter part may:
"We are protected." his teeth bit harder on my breast, "We are lying." My back was now bloodied from his nails. I cried out to him, I do not know his name, and he doesn't know mine. We did not want to own each other. We only let our bodies play amongst themselves.
so... ewan ko...
yun lang naman.
pero grabe ma. ang galing talaga.
| Albert Gonong chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
Very intriguing and smart conversation. It glued me to find out what both of you will say more about what a lie is between the range of understanding of the girl and the demon.
For me, It was freakingly scary. I mean as my playful imagination personifies everything single descriptions and actions of that situation.
The way that the story started was interesting. Turns out even more interesting as I reach the middle part, but from that point towards the end, I'm not really sure of the intensity of the conversation was reaching the climax of my emotion. Maybe the conversation was too long that it almost sounded like you were trying too hard already, to lengthen the story the story I mean.
But overall it is a smart short story.
| velvetsash chapter 1 . 4/20/2007
i think your story is of the unique sense. it tackles something most people wouldn't want to dwell in or even develop a train of thought over. it deviates from what is considered socially normal and i like that part about it. any story of this line is deserving of both the praise and criticism it will get.
i give it five stars: *
| trix chapter 1 . 4/19/2007
Let me start off with how i felt about it. It is obviously very dark, not just because of the way the characters conversed, but also with how you put into words a certain degree of wantonness within the characters. This is felt strongly in the entirety of the story, most especially with the deception done by the the girl to the demon towards the end. Also, the depiction of the sadism of the demon was so intricate, one could actually have a mental picture of what was happening. That, added to the girl's cunning, contributed to a very slow yet very sweet buildup towards the climax.
A few questions though...
Is there supposed to be a particular setting? There was a mention of a bed, but it was never really specified whether the girl was staying at an inn, or something with the same effect. Although the mentioning a bed gives off hints with regard to the setting, it's still rather incomplete. To me, the setting is one of the most important things that builds up on the overall feel of the story, as I believe that it can either make or break it.
Have you done proofreading on this one? I noticed some errors, although mostly minor ones, like punctuation and capitalization. Here's an example:
something that you dare not know between a demon and a devil."
Yes, this is the opening line. First of all, you put a closing quotration mark, but you didn't have one at the beginning of this line. I must say, though, that I really don't think you should put quotation marks on this one, unless you had intended it to be a particular dialogue spoken by one of the characters. What i can suggest that you do to this line is to italicize it. As for the capitalization issue on this line, maybe you just failed to hit on the shift button or something. it is, however, an excellent opening line. I suggest you take a second look at this to double check on the grammar and mechanics part.
As for the writing style, I am most impressed. Enough said.
Oh yeah, there was also a part in the middle that seemed lacking, I just fail to remember where exactly. The thing with that part is that there's this feeling that there were missing words, which explains why that particular thought ended up being incomplete. I'll go over this again, and I'll tell you when I find it again.
I guess that's it for now. I hope this helps.