|Reviews for Breaking The Mirror|
| Anon chapter 32 . 11/16/2012
This is the very first time I've read something in Fictionpress, and I seriously thought I will never finish reading up until the 31st chapter. But I did, and you're awesome like that.
I love this. It's predictable, but your characters salvaged the plotline. I especially love Jayden. I like his wit. The way he thinks, and the way he's innocent and pure but scarred at the same time. He always makes me go 'awwww'. Whenever I read his thoughts...it inevitably makes me want to protect him. Yeah, that's fiction for you. Speaking of which, the damsel in distress concept is probably brought about by the fact that he never tried to rescue himself from his miserable life. Instead, the man next door had to do it and save his ass from Charlie and Alfred. In my opinion though, it's pretty pardonable. Understandable, in fact, since, if we will try to just comprehend how that kid's psychology works (and may I just reiterate that he's so innocent and pure?), it's just impossible for him to breakaway. He's been abused since he was young that he probably thinks it's normal (which I really think is the case). You call it learned helplessness. Oh well, but maybe that's just me.
I love his friends! Linda, Suki and Corin. I especially love Corin's backstory. I find Mr. Spencer's attachment towards Jayden a little unsettling (not to mention I feel that the reason behind his fondness towards the kid is lacking), but, yeah, Jayden rocks. /shot.
The only thing that bugs me about this story is its grammar. I'll forgive the incoherence for most part because it's written in Jayden's point of view, but the simple things which can be amended with a quick proofreading is just- a very big turn off. I mean this story is really good (I don't even talk with my friends while I'm reading it), but I have to come clean that I almost pushed the back button as soon as I saw your 'Did you here me, boy!?' at the first chapter. Like...what on earth? Haha. But, since I was interested in the 'child abuse' theme (I was actually expecting BDSM here. It's my first shot with a story that goes along this motif), I persevered. XDD And I'm telling you, not everyone's lenient to overlook that simple mistake. Oh well, it's their loss.
So yeah. I hope you'll be more careful next time! No one's got a perfect grammar, but it's a little disturbing to read something which will require you to mentally proofread most of the time.
Lastly...the ending. Haha. I will be lying if I say I'm not disappointed that they didn't have sex (this is rated M, I was waiting for it :)))), but, given that you think Jayden's not yet ready, I'll let it pass. Really though, I thought he was so much eager and prepared. XD I think the last few chapters are where Jayden's character developed? From the shy, mute guy who's terrified of just about everything, he starts to see his humanness and begins to long for things. To learn how to be selfish (which, I believe, is innate in us?). It's actually kind of cute that he finds normal human beings' lives 'complex'. But, yes, he's there. He's beginning to explore it and that's the point where he'll probably learn to fight back and stand up for himself. So, no, I don't think he's just a damsel in distress. The last chapters proved it. Perhaps people are just misunderstanding his obsession over Seaton as 'dependence'? But, really, the kid's just in love. Or maybe I'm wrong, but whatever XD hahaha
All in all, this is a good story for me ;D That is, grammatical errors and incoherent sentence construction put aside. So yes! Good luck and I hope you write more
| KatieBobb chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
This seems interesting hmmmmm
| TheMaidenMoon chapter 32 . 10/18/2012
Hi, I absolutely loved this story. It's was really good:) as well as saying that u also wanted to throw in how much you had changed by the en of this story. Not just in writing style, (which only changed a smidge) but more as you seemed to have calmed a lot! You went from being very spastic and hyper to a more mello and calmer persona. Now I might be wrong but I just thought it was so cool to see the story grow as well as the author. I really, truly enjoyed reading this story.
| MAH1 chapter 32 . 10/16/2012
I just finished reading this and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I read another review of this on goodreads where it was commented that Jayden didn't grow at all as a person and was basically just a damsel in distress. I disagree.
To me it was great that Jayden's personal growth was subtle and I liked the fact that he refused to see himself as a victim.
Also, a perfect place to end the story, in my opinion.
| AdaraH chapter 22 . 9/25/2012
Charlie you son of a bitch...but like they say each pig has its day
| AdaraH chapter 9 . 9/25/2012
I have a feeling that this Charlie is a paedophile or something , because if the memories are taking place when Jayden was a kid , this Charlie is giving me bad vibes ...
| Depth-of-Field chapter 11 . 8/16/2012
"I'd turned eight years old two months previously, so I was old enough to kiss back."
Augh. This sentence was just so perfect for the setting and so heartbreaking and in character and. Damn it, the poor kid.
| Ice Bubble chapter 31 . 8/11/2012
The puurrrfect S&M couple!
| Kirihime chapter 32 . 8/6/2012
| Bj chapter 9 . 7/31/2012
Sigh. Dumb comment about Americans, who are all exactly alike, right. And you know all about them, too.
| Anon chapter 24 . 7/30/2012
Please, please tell me this is just a very well-planned joke.
Great writing and realistic plot line is completely undermined by your inability to use the English language.
Tell me honestly now: how is it that you can correctly spell 'Sacrococcygeal Teratoma' and use it in your story, but you lack basic third-grade knowledge?
It's incredibly hard to take your writing seriously when you use 'your' when it should be 'you're,' 'it's' when it should be 'its,' and 'their' instead of 'they're.'
Even more irritating is the fact that you *do* use 'you're' correctly for a few chapters, and then go right back to 'your.'
And it's a shame, because you're honestly a great writer. Your characters are realistic (and also realistically-flawed), your pacing is nice, and you skillfully avoid beige prose.
| Carlette chapter 32 . 7/27/2012
Well, I read it all! And I loved it :) You made me love Jayden and Seaton, wish death upon Alfred and Charlie, and even made me love Jayden's friends. I think where you ended it was perfect, and while it is sad it ended, it doesn't leave me unsatisfied.
| Carlette chapter 2 . 7/26/2012
I was going to warn you, but it looks like someone already did! Your story was plagiarized. I saw it on amazon and couldn't help but be so incredibly angry. I remember seeing your story as it was being updated years ago. I don't know why I never stopped to read, because I really like what I've read so far. I really hope that you don't take this down or get discouraged by what this person has done. Now that I've begun reading this, I really want to finish it and give you, the REAL author the credit you deserve!
| Kael chapter 32 . 7/26/2012
So I saw an AN from another author about this Amazon author named Kate Hopkins who has been plagiarizing and selling a couple of works from FP.
I've actually seen this person on Amazon before but never knew her works were plagiarized. Well, just to let you know after some text comparison of her works with stuff on Google searches it seems that your story may have been plagiarized by her. The excerpt she gives is the same as the beginning of your first chapter. I know that she's put up a lot of Crystal 99's stories and Amaka97's was the AN that I read about this Hopkins person. So maybe you guys should all get together and contact Amazon about this person.
I hope all you guys get this all resolved. Best of luck with this problem.
| NormaJean Beausoleil chapter 32 . 7/19/2012
whoa. thank you for sharing that story. i'm sure it's given strength to many of your readers.