Reviews for When an Angel Falls
xDancingintheRainx chapter 9 . 11/6/2007
I loved the ending. I really liked this chapter too. Again, Gaby pulled off hilarious.

"“A prize for the smartest village idiot!” Gaby exclaimed."

That sentence was especially great. The ones before it too. Excellent work with this chapter. Nice ending. Well done. )
xDancingintheRainx chapter 8 . 11/6/2007
I liked this chapter a lot too. The humor you've added really makes the story better. I'm not sure if you added it on purpose or not, but the wording of some of the parts really made me laugh. In a good way. Great work!
xDancingintheRainx chapter 7 . 11/6/2007
This chapter definitely helped to clear up some of the things from the previous chapter. I really liked this chapter, actually. Gaby was hilarious and I really like the character you've transformed her into. Great job!
xDancingintheRainx chapter 6 . 11/6/2007
I was absolutely lost in this chapter. The ending was pretty cool, but I really didn't understand much of it at all.
xDancingintheRainx chapter 5 . 11/6/2007
I was lost at the beginning, but the little segment you added in there explained everything nicely. Good job.
xDancingintheRainx chapter 4 . 11/6/2007
Thank you for including the real reason why Walker dumped Gabriella. That cleared up a lot for me, although I think that if he really had loved her, he would have broken up with her more gently than he did and would have at least given her a decent explanation. The part about Gabriella hiding behind Chase so she didn't get splattered with guts made me laugh. Well done. )
xDancingintheRainx chapter 3 . 11/6/2007
I like that you showed some of Gaby's character with having her go into the fire to rescue the people. And showing how much time had elapsed was a great help and made things smoother to read and easier to understand. I'm not sure what Walker's problem was, or why he needed to state it in front of all those people. I think that maybe you could have him tell her more privately, or less suddenly and it would make the story smoother instead of leaving the reader to think: "That didn't make much sense. Where did that come from?" I was really surprised when the story about magical creatures suddenly turned into the story of the giggly girls. That's not a bad thing, just something I wasn't expecting. Nice work, the story is definitely improving. )
xDancingintheRainx chapter 2 . 11/6/2007
Again, interesting, but very confusing. The jumping around just adds to the confusion. How is Gaby in her bed at home bleeding, then magically jumped to the hospital, and then when her grandfather dies she's suddenly by his side taking away the pain? Has any time elapsed between the scenes? I think that even if you somehow let the reader know how much time has elapsed between scenes, that alone would make it easier to understand.
xDancingintheRainx chapter 1 . 11/6/2007
This is an interesting beginning, but I'm not sure I like it. The story jumps around and the reader is left confused. I think it would help if you described how Gabriella got from one place to another instead of just suddenly appearing there. Even fantasy stories have to have some solid base so the reader can understand enough to want to keep reading. I understand that you aren't concerned with being realistic since this is a fantasy story, but finding a baseball bat lying on the floor in a house full of magical creatures seems a little bit off. They're magical. They can do all sorts of awesome things. Maybe find a more interesting way that Gabriella can get to the point you want her to get to instead of using a baseball bat. I did like the dictionary at the beginning though. That was really helpful since most writers forget to add one and expect the reader to just automatically understand. This was a really interesting story though, there's just a few things that could be polished up. Nicely done, thanks for the review. )
KingdomRain chapter 1 . 10/14/2007
its a good story so far, interesting, ill give it that, but just a bit confusing. i had a hard time understanding the begining to when she left the hospital to where she ended up into the house with the three or four men, to the part where they were attacked. just a bit confusing.

it really isnt a bad story. it just needs more description in some areas.
Pagalini chapter 1 . 10/4/2007
Sorry about the rant, but you really pissed me off. Nice work
kunoichixakura chapter 9 . 9/12/2007
Wow! That was an awsome story! I don't know why so far you only have, like, three reviews. I loved all the twists. I also love your other stories. And, thanks for being the first reviewer to my story 'Blood'! _

dancer14xoxo chapter 9 . 9/1/2007
great job on the story. there were a lot of twists and I seriously enjoyed it. the ending line is pricless and i added this story to my favorites. good luck on your future stories!
SamanthaNicole chapter 1 . 8/24/2007
First of all, I have to say that this is a very interesting beginning. The dictionary-of-sorts at the beginning was a good idea. Some authors forget to explain the things in their universe, so I appreciate the fact that you took the time to clue everyone in.

Gabriella is very enthralling. I love the fact that she's blind - it lends itself to a lot of difficulties, as well as advantages. You can go far with that, for sure!

I was a little confused as to how Gabriella got in the middle of Delaney and Justice's fight. From what I gathered, she'd just walked out of the hospital, and suddenly she was at ' house...? You might want to explain how she got from one place to the other.

Otherwise, good beginning. I'm eager to see where this will go.


44 | « Prev Page 1 .. 3