This sounds interesting, and Delna seems like one of the strong female characters that there should be more of. It was refreshing reading about her.

In the first few lines,"She looked in the mirror. All she could see was her hooded face, and masked mouth. She realized how good she’d gotten at disguising her features. She looked around the tavern." It was too repetitive the way each sentence started the same way, and slightly lacked variety.

But other than that it seems like a promising story and one that will draw people in.

Yours sincerely,

A shamelss Advertiser, aka, if you have time, please consider popping by my page

Good,good... more?

CL

Hey, long time to review! It's Daisy, and I've FINALLY found time to come on this site again, and read your story, and I must say it's getting EXTREMELY good!

And i'll be trying to continue my story also. ;

Keep up the awesome work! :D

It's getting intense ~shivers~ but I don't really understand why they would give him the info so voluntarily - I mean, the chief judge HAD the device when he stuck his sword into it, so why would he tell Arcum all he did. Surely he must have known it would make him want to take it back...? Oh well. Good chapter.

)

CL

Hey thanks for reviewing my story!

And I must say I'm enjoying your story so far. The overall plot seems very interesting, and I like the characters, Arcum reminds me of Lord of the Rings for some reason. I'd say the only problem with me personally is that the transition between the chapters is a little too fast, but that's just me, and if that's the kind of way you write that's fine. :)

Keep on writing! I'll look forward to it! :D

This is good. I like how we're finding more out about Arcum Pedator. I think the guy who likes blood is really creepy, though. I would freak out if I actually knew someone like that. I'm safe though...I hope. Anyway, I think you should spend a little more time on what's happening with Delna. I like what you're doing here, so please keep doing it. And without such a delay this time! C

CL

Another good one. I like how delna enjoys talking after so long; it gives her depth.

Nice chapter, only one complaint. I'm not sure if I missed something, but delna first draws her sword when the big guy enters and you say she draws it a second time, when the fight begins.

Anyway, I like your style. On to chapter 2.

Oh, cliff hanger. I like your work, beefbag (what kind of a pen name is that - no offense). I'm excited to see more of where this is going and what Predator is hiding.