Oh my gosh! Gorgeous! I absolutely loved it. For some odd reason, it made me think of Romeo and Juliet. Hehehehehehee. I read that book last year. Good book. Anyways, I really did enjoy reading this poem. Your kind of like a reflection of the writer I want to be some day. Thank you so much for writing such an astounding piece, and thank you for reading my poetry as well.

Cheers! ~Kat :)

Absolutely gorgeous imagery, I haven't read anything comparable in a long time.

A couple critiques:

Line 18: 'lightening' should be 'lightning'... everyone seems to make this mistake, kind of a pet peeve of mine.

Line 29: "She turns, the spears constitute as Her gaze" - I think maybe it's the 'as' that is throwing me off, but it seems like a kind of strange way to phrase what you are trying to convey.

Otherwise, fantastic. I like that certain lines are italicized, it distinguishes them from the rest of the poem but keeps the flow and concept together. Really beautiful work, nicely done.

You were right, I did like it. I can't really see why mine reminded you of this one, yours is much, much better.

What I really like about it is your verbs. You really have a way with verbs. The only critique I have is that I don't like "comes" and "flitting" in lines 4 and 5. They might not bother me, but the rest of your verbs are so much juicier that these stand out and jar a little.

Oh, and I think you could do without the last line. It's not striking enough to be the last line anyway, I don't think, much less in italics like that. It rather dissapointed me after the rest of the poem.

I love the line "leeched of their monotonous spectrum."

This is one of those poems that stands up to, in fact demands, a re-reading. Lots of poems, especially not-as-good ones, can be gathered, sucked on, and digested in one reading, but yours requires a bit more effort.

Anyway, great job. I'll have to read more of your stuff.

You were not kidding when you said I would like this. I have read this about four times and I still can't believe how incredible it is. If this is your first draft, you need to finish this and get it published somewhere. How did you ever come up with this, it's beautiful. Great job.