|Reviews for Lyra Angelica|
| KawaiiMagicalGirl chapter 1 . 7/2/2007
It surprises me almost that Lyra Angelica would so willingly give up her 'song' for her sister, but I suppose that was needed for the story. I am also surprised that Marie played so well, and there wasn't a hint of her having had lessons, unless I somehow missed that. But, it wasn't a bad story, I must say. I liked the use of music in it.
| DarkBlysse chapter 1 . 6/15/2007
Hiya! It's me again, back for another sample of your delectable writing delicacies!
"'Lyra Angelica,' the girl whispered to herself every morning. 'Wake up.'"-This line really set me up to think that Lyra is, well, strange. Although you haven't described her yet, I am picturing her as very waif-like (pale maybe?), and quiet. Not with many friends, perhaps. That line also established what I feel as a sad mood for the story. Perhaps because she is strange? We'll just have to see if I've thought correctly, now won't we?
Aha! She is pale! Score one for Blysse! (-The crowd goes wild!)
"Whenever she sat down at a piano, the result was stunning, but she found no solace..."-You should start a new sentence for "But she found no..."
"'What’s the harp like?' she asked..."-I don't quite like how you made her say that. It sounds to harsh, and casual for the kind of person you've been describing Lyra to be. Maybe change it to "What is it like to play a harp?" or something like that.
"Then, hurriedly, like he wanted her off the subject,"-You should add a "he said," or something similar to the end of that.
"'Let’s try Grieg’s Concerto again, shall we?' Lyra Angelica rested her hands..."-It should be a new paragraph when you start tlaking about Lyra here.
"There was no spark within her that compelled her to play, no fire, no need, no desire."-I think this part would have a lot more impact if "No fire. No need. No desire." were all their own sentences, as I did here.
"Softly, apologetically, she said, 'I’m sorry,'..."-You don't need to say 'apologetically' because she *is* apologizing. It's just redundant to say that.
"...gentle smile that seemed to fill the whole world with radiance...The music school had one harp, one single harp..."-The transition between her talking to her piano teacher and talking about the harp was a little confusing for me. Try putting a line break in between them to make it easier for the reader (or maybe just my slow mind) to understand.
"...and had begun to pluck at the string at random..."-Should be 'strings' not string.
"On morning, something changed."-Should be 'one' not 'on.'
Wow, that was such a wonderful ending. Just like "Allie Cries,' it has the perfect mixture of sadness and joy. It's a not-quite-happy-ending that still leaves me smiling, for I know that Lyra is not jealous of her sister-only proud.
Once again, a marvellous story from you, and another fave from me!
| poisedtokill chapter 1 . 5/13/2007
Draws you in right from the start. You got across the feelings of someone whose life revolved around something she didn’t care about very well. It's depressing in a way and the effect is kind of dreamy.
The line ‘The girl had long fingers – strong, quick, though rather clumsy fingers’ annoys me a little, however. You might want to omit the second ‘fingers’.
Excellent job, though. Beautiful.
| the asylum chapter 1 . 5/3/2007
god this is so beautiful- and personal
(my heart is literally aching for my piano)
ending was so incredibly sweet, sad, viciously perfect.
normally i'm not a fan of in-in-depth description, but it was well incorporated into this short story
(probably my favorite thing you have written so far)
| friend 49 chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
I love the description of her eyes at the very begining, first of all.
"Her name was Marie Laura, and she was beautiful."
The repetition here is good.
And the end, the end is adorable. Not in a "little kid-ee writing" but in a way that really shows human nature in an excellent case.
This is really beautiful.
Oh, and I'll make sure to listen to Lyra Angelica. :)
| half-sketched.staccatos chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
This has to be a quick review because I've got to go study, but I'll try to fit everything that I'm thinking into it.
"Whenever she sat down at a piano, the result was stunning, but she found no solace in playing, nor any joy in listening to the thick, repetitive notes fill the room. She didn’t get the same feeling of excitement that her admirers seemed to get."
When I read that, I almost cried. I love the piano, so it almost broke my heart that she couldn't feel anything when playing. I then the next paragraph I let out a huge sigh of relief - at least she still loved music. Any music.
Wow. If Lyra Angelica inspired you to write such an amazing story, I NEED to listen to it!
P.S: Is "Maurie Laura" also the name of a song or something or just any name?
| thecolourgrey chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
This is really good! I always had liked stories with musical themes. Great job!
| Indie Tangles chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
I don't have much to say about this piece, but it is really sweet, and you chose your words well for your summary - it certainly drew me in. :]
| umbrella.x chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
that .. was amazing.
i loved it
| freesoul732 chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
I love it! One question though- is Lyra sad or happy at the end? Great job, this story is amazing.