|Reviews for Before It's Too Late|
| Bob Evans chapter 26 . 8/20/2007
Yay! I'm finished.
And I'm ashamed at myself for taking almost two months after you finished it for me to finish reading it. Quite an epic ending; it had me cheering. The plot was very dramatic, and the story was action packed. And I can tell from your closing notes that you put in a lot of work. Give yourself a pat on the back.
However, with all stories comes the criticing (or, however you spell that...). You need to do some serious work on your discriptions and conversations between characters. Don't try to overload the story with unnecessary discriptions. As for conversations, try listening in on some convos between adults and try and pick out how they mix and use words. Characterization was pretty good, but it could be pretty much summed up as "10-year-olds as hitmen".
Nevertheless, the story was an excellent piece of work, so you keep on writing. Maybe I'll keep up a little more with "Everlasting".
| Bob Evans chapter 19 . 7/26/2007
HahahahahwahhawA! I loved Sorel's ignorance of the car. Too funny. All though still violent, this chapter did bring out a little lightheartedness with Sorel and his inexperience.
Anyway, there was one immediate thing that concerned me. In one sentence you wrote "It sounded a lot like a high-tech computer in a science fiction story getting booted up". An old English teacher once pointed out a similar mistake I'd made. By saying something like that, you're immediately telling the reader that this is fiction, and any sense of realism they had while reading dies right there. It's almost as bad as author intrusion, which is somewhat similar, but covers a broader range.
But otherwise, on to more chapters!
P.S. Linhart did NOT get off the hook. What I meant by off the hook was that he didn't get killed (like so many of the readers were expecting). But anyway, your reaction was still priceless.
| Bob Evans chapter 18 . 7/23/2007
A short review, but thought I'd update while I had the chance.
Hmm, Daria was a traitor? Not exactly...a shocker. She always was distant as a character, so frankly she could've gone either way. But I am a little confused why Renald sent Sorel after her. Was he concered with actually having her taken care of? Or was there something he didn't want Sorel involved with when it came to the confrontation with Knemus?
Hmm, anyhow, onward to more chapters.
| Bob Evans chapter 16 . 7/19/2007
I'm pretty sure "in a rude, yet polite voice" is an oxy-moron. As for your characters, I always felt they were a little too light-hearted for the hitmen business. I almost felt this 'turning over a new leaf' was coming around eventually for both of them. Although I'm not too sure about Daria. She's got a large dark spot over her agenda. She could be up to anything...
| Bob Evans chapter 14 . 7/19/2007
Dude, I am so sorry. It's been, what? A month? I've been watching the alerts slowly fill up in my inbox, but never quite finding the time to get on and catch up with 'em. Well I'm back, and I intend on finishing it.
This chapter brought home to me two concepts. First off, it's a subject you never really brought up before, but I'd think each country would have some sort of unique nationality about it, and if not different language, then at least different accents. However, going from country to country seems pretty easy for them all. Which brings me to my next subject; border crossing. I don't know if it's been mentioned, but do these hitmen have some sort of passport? Even a false one to go about their illegal work?
Anyway, good to see that the action is about to go down, and looking forward to the battle.
I'll try and keep in touch, and maybe get into "Everlasting" before you get too many chapters up too.
P.S. You mentioned that this was their "20th" adventure, so would that mean I'd have to read "Camp Glaregon" to get familiarized with the plot and characters (in short, is it a book series)? Or is this story separate and unique enough to stand alone?
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 26 . 7/19/2007
This story was truly a great story. I loved reading every sentence of this story. It is interesting that school helped you figure out the plot to this story, but then again, genius can be found in the most odd of places. Its interesting the way you ended the story, with a twist. It really surprised me at the end that Renald was able to receive the death sentence. Well, good job writing this, you really should write entire books and send them to publishers. You would earn a lot of money.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 23 . 7/11/2007
If I was Renald, I wouldn't even think of humiliating him publicly or revealing to the public how he murdered my parents. I would WANT to kill Karol AND Karol's son personally. And if I was Renald, I would make sure Karol suffered in the most horrific way possible. I would tie him to a chair, and stab him with small sharp objects in non-lethal spots. Let him bleed and suffer through the searing pain. Then let him become exsanguinated due to all of the cuts and stabs. Slowly and painfully is how Karol and his son should die.
| Reaper chapter 22 . 7/8/2007
Cool ending, even if a cliffhanger (As small as it is). I also love the idea of the battles, really cool.
Keep the writing rolling,
P.S. Young really IS a tough word.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 22 . 7/7/2007
wow, I can't believe that. Renald and Sorel getting houses and rent for 6 months, all for free! geez..I gotta try and save the world now, i could use that kind of deal haha.
Renald is now a gladiator too? now THAT is awesome. I can't wait to read about the fight
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 21 . 7/3/2007
i must say, it was one heck of a close call with aborting that laser. Though I did find the ending a little anti-climactic, it was still what got the job done so I liked that Renald and Sorel succeeded in the end.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 20 . 6/30/2007
I am about to bet actual money (as a guess to the future, and i have nothing to back this up) that Renald is going to forefully remove the corrineum (or however it is spelt) from the laser itself
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 19 . 6/28/2007
Sorel..is...the man. I loved the detail you gave for Daria's death. I was picturing this entire chapter in my head as i kept reading. You really are an amazing writer. keep up the great work, and post a new chapter soon.
| Reaper chapter 18 . 6/26/2007
Shit, this took me a while to find. Glad I did when I had free time. Very awesome plot, characters and so forth. I did like the ending of the latest chapter. "I don't know how to drive!" Very crappy situation to be in.
Keep the writing rolling,
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 18 . 6/25/2007
That was a pretty intense chapter. I loved how you described the wounds of the guards as they dies by the hands of Renald and Sorel. I honestly started laughing at the end though when Sorel thought to himself that he didn't know how to drive.
| Bob Evans chapter 13 . 6/24/2007
Heh heh, Renald will never do it. He's just sucking up to Knemus so that he'll let him go. And also, it's very good now that we know the whole plot. Now it's up to them to try and stop Knemus before he kills millions, and ends modern civilization.
Although, I feel a few details have been left out. You often refer to the political landscape as Major Countries and Minor countries. I know it's a little late in the story, but perhaps references to certain minor countries' actual names, plus political influence by a few of the large countries (names mentioned there also) would help the readers get a more accurate picture of everything.
However, your descriptions have worked well, also. At the end of the day, we still know what's going on, and have a good idea one way or the other.
So, I hope to get onto the next chapter soon. Kudos.