Reviews for Before It's Too Late
Bob Evans chapter 12 . 6/22/2007
Okay, I finally got around to reading this chapter (several chapters late), and it's good to see our characters moving along. I was surprised, since I expected Knemus to still have more for them to do once they got him the materials he needed. But no, he just turned 'em loose, and said good-bye. And what was Daria up to the whole time? I suspect we'll here soon.

~Bob Evans
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 17 . 6/21/2007
I can't believe I guessed that Daria was sketchy..THEN she turns out to be a traitor. It just shows how much the quiet ones can't be trusted. I really want to read how Renald and Sorel break out of the base. POST A NEW CHAPTER SOON PLEASE!
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 16 . 6/18/2007
I'm starting to think Daria and Karol are with Knemus on the whole operation. Daria doesn't say anything or do anything much and Karol denied them armed forces to take down Knemus with.
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 15 . 6/16/2007
thats really gotta suck for Renald..i actually feel bad for him now..i didn't really like him much before but now i understand his pain..wow..i really don't know what else to say about it..hmm..
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 13 . 6/11/2007
If I was Renald, I think I would be joining Knemus too. it is just inhumane how the major countries are treating the minor countries, and that doesn't sit well with me. sorry if its a bit short but thats all i really had to say about this chapter.
Bob Evans chapter 11 . 6/8/2007
Awesome; you're first real shoot-out scene in the story. If you want some good ideas on a good fight scene, check out some of Reaper's stuff. They seem to be his speciality.

Something else I noticed was your discussion of being in "Kill Mode", which, ironically enough, is a topic that is discussed during the next chapter of TSG2. Just thought it was an interesting coincidence.

By far, there was one thing in here that made me enjoy this chapter, and really made me laugh. It was the line:

“We’re going to play “Last Man Standing” against the entire police force in here.”

That was hallarious!

~Bob Evans
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 12 . 6/6/2007
I started noticing something interesting this chapter with the way i picture a certain character in my head. For some reason when I read this story, I think of Sorel as Genis from Tales Of Symphonia.

Anyways, about the chapter, it seemed like the part about Renald thinking Knemus is up to something looked like a bit of a, for lack of a better term, not well thought out connection to the real plot of the story. It seemed the same way with Sorel and Daria joining Renald in finding out what Knemus is up to. It is probably just me but it just seems pretty unrealistic. Sorry if this review was a bit harsh, I just wanna be honest with it.
Bob Evans chapter 10 . 6/6/2007
Ouch. Now they're stuck in prison, and Renald's got that crazy look in his eye. Bust out, eh? Well now that they're name is in the records, doesn't sound like business is going to be to good as hitmen anymore. After all, who wants to hire someone whose been convicted, and is on police records?

Although I think if they really expected something good out of a lawyer, they shouldn't have gotten those pushovers. They won't do squat for them in court. When you talk to a lawyer, you expect to hear something like;

“No, I can’t!” Renald insisted. “Look, you’ve gotta believe me, all right? Isn’t that what lawyers are supposed to do for their clients? Believe them?”

Fredericks' eyes narrowed. "No, Mr. Renald. What I'm supposed to do is make you look inncocent in the court room. I don't care what your story is; only how the trial turns out."

Now that's my lawyer!

~Bob Evans
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 11 . 6/3/2007
I like the detail you go into when you talk about guards dying.
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 10 . 5/31/2007
This was a good chapter but the breaking out of jail scene has been done over so many times. I wanna see how they get out of jail though.
Bob Evans chapter 9 . 5/30/2007
Heh, the last scene was the best part of the story. Gotta love the simple mistakes in life, cuz they're the ones that trip you up.

A few things are beginning to concern me. Firstly, though your characters are obviously young, they sound more like 10-year-olds running around with guns. Their mannerisms is what really brings it out the kid-like behavior.

The other thing that bothered me was your reference to the science lab. Wouldn't they need to know if it was Government or a private corporate facility? And maybe what the building's name is? Or, if they don't need specifics, at least you could put more information into the kind of setting it is. Say Knemus tells them where to find it, instead of them just saying "hey, let's go check out the local science lab".

And last but not least, this mysterious Corrineium sounds like weapons-grade material, in which case it would be stored at a military depot, being guarded by armed soldiers. However, I don't know what your plans for it are just yet, so I won't jump on your case.

But otherwise, keep it going, cuz now you've got them in prison, and a madman running around working for third-world countries. This Knemus is sounding a lot like a terrorist.

~Bob Evans
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 9 . 5/29/2007
HAHA sorry but i find it funny when thugs forget something crucial in a mission and it screws them over entirely.
Pyro Emo Punk chapter 8 . 5/28/2007
It is always interesting to read how Renald became a hit man. well, i liked this chapter and how it took a significant event to persuade sorel to decide what to do.
Bob Evans chapter 8 . 5/25/2007
Okay, I can see how you explained in your reply that you were right about them never having seen this kind of life-style before. I suppose we'll learn more about the overall plot now that we've gotten past this chapter.

And I see you've done another excellent job of giving us a deeper look into Renald's life. You've also left a possible other option? Maybe not just the drunk man that affected his life, but something earlier? Something darker?

Well you did say that there had been something he was originally after before becoming a hit-man, so perhaps we'll learn yet what it is. And we still need to know the current plot.

~Bob Evans

P.S. How come you have no one on your favorites list? Are there no other authors at Fiction Press that you enjoy their writing?
Bob Evans chapter 7 . 5/23/2007
Uh oh, you're going out on a limb here. You took your heartless killers (all three of them, mind you), and now you're making them feel bad about poor, helpless third world countries? These are hit-men. Since when do they care about the comfort and lives of other people. If you're job is to kill people for a living, then why would you even care how they lived?

Keep writing, but on a side of caution. You're turning your characters into concerned citizens, worried about helping those in need. But perhaps there is more to this that we know not yet. I will wait and see.

~Bob Evans

P.S. Thank you thank you for your review! So glad to hear that you are enjoying TSG2. Hopefully you'll stick around for the next chapter.
48 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »