|Reviews for Before It's Too Late|
| Bob Evans chapter 6 . 5/23/2007
Whoa! To quote an old friend from FP, you're posting these chapters faster than I can read them! Well at least this shows your determination. If only the other people here could get there stories going as quickly as yours, we wouldn't have so many that lose interest so soon. That's one great thing about your writing; you never have to worry you'll give up or quit. There's always another chapter right on it's way. Keep doing this, and people will rely on you.
As for the chapter, it's good Sorel had Renald with him, otherwise the hwole thing at the fight club would've resulted in Sorel actually needing to go to a hospital. However, I was a little surprised to see in a later line that Renald was hesitent about using profanities. You'd think after living on the streets and killing for a living it would be second-nature to him. Or, at least Sorel. He's beginning to look more like the side-kick. I guess Renald has quite a title to live up to.
And why are they questioning Darie now? Knemus was right there; they could've questioned him when they had the chance. Ah well, let us hope they learn what they need to know Before It's Too Late...
| SLDKJW chapter 7 . 5/22/2007
ah whoa this is real nice...
i had to read a lot to catch up though but Im truly impressed. Your writing skills are very good! :D
i wish to read more.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 7 . 5/22/2007
i like how they are faced with the decision of forget the lives of others or to help the lives of others. Though, if I was set with that decision and it seemed as plain as that, I would choose to help them. But from reading this, I'm really not trusting Knemus at this point. My opinion might, and knowing your writing, probably will change soon. either way, I like how this story is going.
| symbiotic chapter 6 . 5/21/2007
Great story. It was very well written, with proper formatting and grammar, and I didn't find one error. It is also very well carried out and thought through as well. It definitely shows that you put a lot of effort into this story. The plot is highly interesting and enticing, and is worth reading. It also has the proper balance of action and suspense. Only downside is that you should have put this in action. But otherwise it's very good. Nice story. Don't forget to check out mine.
| Kayla Pich chapter 6 . 5/20/2007
Wow, that's good. I'm impressed! It's long too! Makes the reader want to keep reading. Keep writing!
| Bob Evans chapter 5 . 5/17/2007
Eh, this was kind of a difficult chapter. Although I must say that the plot is moving along quite nicely, there a few parts that could use a little more care, and once again the characters are beginning to seem two dimensional. Before you could see their unique personalities, but in this chapter for some reason they just blended together.
However, you did a good job on making Sorel and Renald sound like adolesents. I could understand why some of the things they do is unproffesional, because they're inexperienced.
Try a little harder on editing next time, and do a little work on your characters, but there is nothing wrong with the plot. Keep it going.
| Bob Evans chapter 4 . 5/17/2007
Heh, the moment he walked through the airport security scanners I remembered that he had his gun with him. However, after just barely making his escape he suddenly shifted emotion from fear of being caught to wonder of seeing a new country. Perhaps if he were a regular hitman he would've taken no thought to the confrontation in the airport, but Renald has already been shown to have human emotions, which apparently can change on a dime.
There was one thing that caught my attention as soon as he arrived in Tontor. He picked some random guy off the street that "looked like he was well informed". Perhaps you could've said that he went among people until finally finding one that had answers he was looking for.
Curious fight; running in the dark. Let's see where this goes.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 5 . 5/16/2007
good chapter. i dont really have much to say though but i will say that i love the civil conflict between the 2 allies.
| Bob Evans chapter 3 . 5/16/2007
Okay, slightly confused;
I thought that as a Hit Man, Renald might have a basic knowledge of things present. I mean, even if you didn't care, you still need basic knowledges like that to keep yourself alive. Gangsters and hitman don't just go about their business without a clue of what's going in the world...
But that got me thinking; is he from Earth? Perhaps? If he was, that would explain his lack of knowledge about things. Of course, by that same token there might be another reason he doesn't know all this stuff. So I'll wait and see where you take it. Although, I think we should have another appearence of the woman from the gym. She could be a good character.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 4 . 5/13/2007
i liked what happened in this chapter, but i found a few mistakes. the first one was when Renald went to enter the building. you say he drew his gun as he ran to the building, but then said he drew his gun after seeing the dead cops without ever saying he put his weapon away. very minor so no sense worrying about it. the second one i noticed was with who killed who. you said the "other killer" killed all three weapons holders but Renald killed one of them without knowing it, so the other killer only killed 2 weapons holders. again, very minor not worth worrying about. other than those, i liked this chapter a lot.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 3 . 5/10/2007
he's really struggling with himself. i like he flashback of when he was first hired though.
| Bob Evans chapter 2 . 5/10/2007
I have to say, you really did it with this chapter. I like the way you've written it, and you've got me interested. Congrats, this is really turning into something!
You've done a good job explaining Renald, giving us a real character that we can read about. I especially liked his thoughts on his gun; "His only friend was his pistol, always ready when he was and always made him some money." I also enjoyed the nice plot twist you gave us at the end. Now we have something to look forward to and try and figure out.
About the only thing that bothered me was the quick passage of time. Perhaps some spacers or a little more feel for the duration, but otherwise still very good.
| Kiss The Stars With Me chapter 1 . 5/10/2007
It looks good. And so does your pilot for your other story. YOu should update soon.
Now you can read mine! I need at least one reviewer for my second chappie...please?
| Poor Skeleton chapter 2 . 5/7/2007
At this point I'm afraid of sounding bitchy, but the sentence "The night was still very empty and quiet, with all the ambience and sounds of the day disappearing along with the sun" would be better if you did something to alter the phrase "disappearing along with the sun", simply because it brings to mind the first couple sentences of the first chapter, and makes me wonder, 'wait, did i just read this?' Again, it's all your choice, nothing absolutely necessary. Just my two little cents.
I love the next bit, about his attitude and his experience with everything. To be honest, I'm practically swooning; I have a character much like yours, except he's an arsonist instead of a hit-man. There's something so alluring about people like that.
"Life wasn't meant to be luxurious or something to be enjoyed." Hear hear. He's a realist, then? I like him more and more every minute.
Oh, and you don't need to supply that Ubels is the month. If the reader's smart, they'll figure it out. If they're not, well, isn't it always fun to play with the readers' heads? (devillish grin)
"promptly through those clothes into the fire, burning them and erasing any evidence." Just that "through" should be "threw" and you already mentioned at the beginning of the sentence that he was doing this to get rid of the evidence. I know, I'm getting really picky...what's gotten into me? I just can't find any major errors, and I figure you're serious with this story, so I guess I'll help you out in any way I can by being the grammar fairy. or gnat, whichever title you prefer.
Ooh, gladiators. Kinky.
Aww, you really make me feel bad for Renald. He needs to get a girl, then he'll have a purpose in life. Maybe she can help him spruce up the apartment a little...heh.
And this mayor's cracking me up. His strategy's excellent, though. You can't be blamed for saying something stupid if no one knows what you're saying. And in the wake of a sniper attack: "The knucklehead." I have a feeling I'm going to like him a lot.
AWW! Poor Renald! He has no idea what he's getting into, does he? I feel guilty just feeling excited about learning what it is exactly he'll be caught up in. Underground revolution, perhaps? I can only guess. Whatever it is, I'm really excited to know. Keep up the excellent writing, and I'll be back. For this and your other stories (your preview's done its job, and now I want to read your others), when my life becomes less crazy than it currently is. Until then, happy writing.
| Pyro Emo Punk chapter 2 . 5/7/2007
i must say, so far, this is my favorite story you have written. i like how the city does executions for people who deserve the death penalty (painfully). i also like how there are more rogues than just Tom. It's great to me how the city can be thrown into such easy chaos like that. Seeing guns in a story instead of swords and other archaic weapons is different to see but i like how you make everyone human in here, rather than some godly figure who never dies and can still perform highly maneuverable tasks even though his arm is cut off. good job so far.