Reviews for Domino Chain Waiting to Fall
TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 5/6/2007
Ooh. If only a few mistakes hadn't gone in, and it would have had a certain creepy, beautiful touch to it. I'll start out with the positive: fantastic imagery here. Beautiful descriptions, everything.

My problems lie in the repetitions. Not of lines or concepts (long lost x2 and long gone), but in having two lines, one after the other, end in "bodies". It gives the poem a feeling like you got stuck or something. Less flow, that is. It just sounds a bit awkward.

The content is really good. It's pretty. It's got (for the most part) a good, smooth flow, and nice words. All in all, very good, though I guess what I mentioned should be looked at again (or justified to me; either way works).
Jezsh chapter 1 . 5/6/2007
I like the general tone and mood of this piece but there are couple of critiques I'd make, mostly about word choice. For instance, you use the word bodies twice in the 2nd and 3rd line which makes it sound a little repetitive. I also think 'play almost' sounds a little awkward and might consider switch it around. Lastly 'How come it didn’t come in battle' also sounds a little clumsy because of the word come used twice.

I know this probably sounds a little harsh but they're just minor points really and I like the base idea of this poem, it's slightly haunting.
jojoba-music-girl chapter 1 . 5/6/2007
This was so good! Just..wow! I'll put this one into my fav's!

[jojoba-music-girl]