The plot in this story - siblings falling in love - reminds me of a book by a swedish author with the sam theme, and I have to say, even thought the theme is very unusual, you have done a very good job writing about it; I think you've captured the difficulties as well as the love in this otherwise hard relationship, and I like that you gave them a happy ending, so THUMBS UP!

This is constructive criticism, don't don't get pissed, okay?

The grammar was horrible.

The wording left more to be desired.

The storyline was shaky. Well, it didn't really HAVE a plot.

Best advice? Read a lot of novels. Get a grasp on how it's done. Then try writing mini stories for practice. Then re-write this whole story, following the basic plot but spicing it up and making it better.

Oh frig.

so he never told her that he cheated on her? im curious about why u put that in the story if it didnt lead to anything else

omg... does their happily ever after involve kids and weddingbells?

that was an awesome story! i loved it

sexy, i like

nice twist. loving it

damn. i don't know what else to say

i am loving ur writing

this is a good one. can't wait to read the other chapters

Me again... Once again I'm going to be harsh, but try to remember that I mean well.

The sex scene was a little mechanical but you could see the effort you put into it. One question, why put the sex scene between Chris and the blond girl in the story if it adds nothing to the conflict or to the evolution of the character? It kind of seems like a useless little twist.

Also, when you think about the scene where Rob is pressuring Chris to "get it on" with the blond girl, it doesn't make sense later in the story when it says Rob was protective over Chris. Why would he urge him on if he loved him? Either Rob wants him to go and meet girls like a normal guy, or he's gay and he doesn't want Chris to be with anyone. Make sure your characters have continuity. That's a bit of a plot hole there, the whole club scene. Maybe you should just take it out.

Once again, I am being a little rude but, it's for the story not a personal attack.

My review is going to sound harsh but I mean it for the best and really want your writing to go far. Please read till the end.

The plot although somewhat original, is not very well developed. It's very jumpy and predictable. Emily and Chris love each other. Bang something happens. Emily and Chris love each other. Bang something happens. Also, your grammar is lacking and somewhat distracting. Aside from that, the characters aren't very well described. Who they are and so on. The problem is that what we the readers do find out about them is that all the characters are very similiar. Example: How they react to things (Emily always gets upset or mad, Rob always gets upset or mad... After awhile you want one of them to just get up and say, "Isn't this a melodramtic scene?")

The one thing that killed me the most was how unbelievable they were. When Chris finds out that the doctors were going to kill him in five days he just says, "oh, ok" which is kind of shocking. Also, Rob being gay sounds like a random plot twist that you just added in for an effect not how the actual character was (Maybe set up for that earlier besides just Emily's suspicions). The whole cutting scene to me was not very affecting because I myself know people who have cut themselves and this was a very unrealistic interpretation of it. The scene almost cheapens the real human emotion behind cutting.

I know what I've said sounds mean, but in writing no story is ever done and I hope you consider what I've said in the re-writing process. Thank you, if you read to the bottom. I really hope your writing goes to far places.

.god.

Woah that is crazy!