"It would be like Delrekra to call them that, to turn them into lawbreakers and herself into the instrument of justice. If it were anyone but Del, Madera would be irritated."

You switch into present tense here. Shame on you.

I love the character development you do with Krisha. Yes, she's my favorite character.

-Lucien

Why would pursuit be expected? Reyel is not half suspicious enough if pursuit is unexpected and unusual, and if the setting is such that pursuit would be unsurprising, you need to tell the reader about it. Is there a war on? Does the village contain bandits who might have stolen out after them if they had heard of their quest?

I'll take the opportunity now to note the quality of your writing. It's good. Very good. Usually I have to comment extensively upon grammar and word choice. I'm glad not to need to do so here.

However here "I knew that in the middle it would be far overhead" the antecedent is a little unclear. It would appear to be the bank, but I'd expect you to be referring to the level of the water. Perhaps some clarification, either to the antecedent or why it matters (if it is the bank) is called for.

-Lucien

The description of Shadow was magnificent. However, this chapter had surprisingly little real content. I'm curious as to why you would let us see the antagonists side of this, especially so early. Hopefully this and more will be explained later on.

Also we have 'woman-creature' again. I hope that the different species (?) or races become defined and clear as, currently, I'm not sure what's human and what isn't.

-Lucien

'shake anybody awake with a misstep.' I'm not sure 'shake' is the right word here, but the more I think about it the less sure I am of a suitable replacement.

I also feel that there ought to be more explanation of what an aman is, and why it is an 'it.'

I enjoy much of your writing and humor. The best example here is 'You might that modesty, but tat the time it felt comfortably like complaining.'

-Lucien of the Review Marathon (link in profile)

Even though it's been awhile since I've been on Fictionpress, I've definitely not forgotten this story. I'm loving it! It's this kind of story that keeps me coming back for more. So, I hope to see more from you soon :)

~Carm~

Oh yeah you finished it! Not yeah as in I have nothing else to read, because this is sad, but yeah because it’s very admirable that you finished it. I really like the ending and thought that it was very suspenseful, and I was happy to see that Krisha and the guy stayed together in the end. The beginning of the end, as it were, was a little confusing, but you did say to read your other story, and I didn’t so I’m guessing that it was my fault that it didn’t make sense. There were a few typos:

“No,” I said. The Guardians turned to me as one. “Krisha has done as much on this journey sa (as) I have. If you’re going to keep me here, let it stay too.”

She raise(d) her hand and examined the knife in it.

That’s it. Good job!

Yeah, I remember the story teller. Ah, but is he really an aman, or is he an everyman, since he changes form so often.

This frame made the story draw together better with both sides of things.

And the parting thought about was it all worth it. The answer works well in the suggestion.

I like Delreka out there brewing things again, but I think I would not have added that in the story. Somehow it just doesn't seem to fit the feel and the whole of the story.

It has been a trying week, but I have finally got around to reading this.

Reyel has come asa long way since the beginning of this story, and he seems to be strong and confident in his decisions. Things can never be the same for him. That was quite brave of him to stand up to the Guardian with his love for Krisha.

I guess I will hang in there with the last chapter.

So far im liking this story. Can't see anything wrong with grammar or etc ill continue to read and reveiw later on.

Harr.

I suppose I don't have any problems with this. It's a conclusion to the current storyline (yay for stating the obvious) and here I don't really mind the telling so much, because you've already set up the characters' emotional world well prior to this chapter.

Good luck on serpent queen!

so i have read your story and here's what i have to say about it:

1. overall it was well written.

2. some parts were confusing, however, such as the whole throwing the rock off the cliff thing, i didn't get it.

3. it's quite obvious that you're uncomfortable with the whole writing the romance thing because it was well...just awkward. you need to be more comfortable with it.

that's it! good good.

Indeed, sad endings all around. As I have said in the previous chapter, I hate seeing the shadow die.

Reyel and Krish have a sad ending as well. Somehow I figured that they would be getting together. You have worked that romance in there nicely, and the relationship that they have in the woods is tastefully done.

As for your note, have you been getting those reviews of good job with no comment on the content of the story? I have a person on another site that all he ever says about my story is that it has too many words. I feel like saying, are you even reading it?

I figure that I will go ahead and finish reading this story since I have gotten this far.

It is interesting that mortal blood can detroy the spirit arrows, but somehow I see a strange logic in it. It did make for an interesting little blood ritual between Reyel and Krish. I do like the significance that that would entail.

The lake spirit seems to be a cranky old man. Oh well, I would want the two useless lumps out of my life as well.

I have had several family issues of late and work has been a real hassle, so I have been running a bit behind.

It is sad that the shadow died. He was one of my favorite characters. Somehow I thouhg that Krish would take the arrow and die valiantly. Oh well, that was a surprise.

I also thought that the shadow would just disappear from the world instead of remaining solid. Oh well, it is not a bad piece, and it is good to be different.

Harr.

And we're so close to the end. The only thing that seriously irks me about the whole thing is the supposed Reyel/Krisha romance- it seems a little too forced to me. Then again, I'm a horrible cynic, so it's probably biased.

How long was the journey, in any case? Didn't seem too long- it's hardly any time since they left for Spirit Lake. This whole trip together- I don't know, the whole relationship reeks of codependency. Maybe it'll seriously start to sour once they actually get to know each other better, familiarity supposedly breeds contempt, after all. Whatever it is, I'm not expecting happy tru wuv with each other forever and ever for ther rest of their lives. That would be...silly.