Reviews for Moonlight & Darkness |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Hm. First story, you say? You haven't had any practice before this? Because I find it hard to believe that something this finessed doesn't have years of doodling with words and reading books behind it. Do you mean your first story on FP? One question. You say that the vampire stops sucking on Kate's neck and then pricks her upper arm with a needle. It doesn't seem to connect. Does the vampire just happen to have a needle full of whatever magical concoction that turns people into vampires (be it venom or blood) handy, and somehow decided halfway through his meal that he doesn't actually want to kill Kate? Or was he specifically out looking for someone to change into a vampire? Hopefully this will be answered sometime during the story. Keep it up; it'd be a shame to stop where these five chapters leave off. I'm eager to read more. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Great chapter. You're doing a phenomenal job, and I really can't wait for more :) ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hey, I'm glad you didn't die! ) Anyways, great chapter, very suspenseful! I can't believe you ended with a cliff-hanger... Update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() First off, nice. Second, just some random constructive criticism for the overall chapters: 1. When showing numbers, write them out like 'eight' not '8'. Simple mistake majority people make. 2. Oh my God holy short. But that's just my opinion. I'd squish the third and forth chapter together, but I really like the style of your writing. There's just something about it that keeps me wanting to read more and keeps me engaged in what's happening with Kate. You have just enough detail for me to picture what's going on and you don't over do it. It's good to leave some description out because that leaves questions for the reader to be answered. For example, "I turned my head towards the refrigerator when it started humming." That leaves questions like, "why is it humming? Why did it catch her attention?" and it provokes people to read further to answer these questions. Just for future reference. Finally, as I bring this long review to an end, that last chapter...holy crap! It was amazing! The way Kate goes through her thoughts and actions is so clear and vivid it's awesome. Serious talent, is all I've got to say. Two thumbs up for sure! update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Lovely job. You've got a serious talent of capturing your readers and their interest. Keep it up. I'm loving it :) ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() M. I was happily scrolling along then suddenly the chapter ended! I wouldn't mind if the chapters were a little longer but hey, that's just me. Update soon. Or else. _ |
![]() ![]() ![]() -Pokes- Update soon okay. I like this ) |
![]() ![]() ![]() update soon |
![]() ![]() ![]() Even though it's been awhile since I've been on Fictionpress, I've definitely not forgotten this story. I'm loving it! It's this kind of story that keeps me coming back for more. So, I hope to see more from you soon :) ~Carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh. I like the way Jake who's obsessed with vampires is the one who says vampires don't exist. The irony of juxtaposition... I love it! ;D But just one teensy little thing. If this girl Kate becomes a vampire and MAGICALLY learns how to do that flippy judo thing simply BECAUSE she's a vampire, either for plot convenience or to fulfill some deep Mary Sue-ish fantasy wish, I swear I will whip up a flame so great that this story will have scar burns on its scar burns... Mwahaha Anyway, other than that, this is an interesting story. |
![]() ![]() ![]() update soon |
![]() ![]() I really like it! I'm so glad you got the first 2 chapters up! oh and my friend realy liked it too!-see ya later!-Joy. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'm liking the way this story is developing. The characters' personalities and traits are becoming more and more apparent. And I especially like the way you use dialogue. Very well done :) ~carm~ |
![]() ![]() ![]() I honestly didn't think this story would be that good when I started, no offense meant. I just read it cause I love vampires. But it's really good! I can't wait to read more of it! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Alright. I'm hooked. Please update soon. I love your writing style, it's easy to read. I don't have to force myself to read it. |