Great story, even with typos and grammar errors.

Very interesting universe and I'm glad to have read it.

Thanks for sharing.

That was a hot sex scene. Yum.

There's this weird tense thing you've got going on. Future and past tense thrown together. The use of "would" in this context implies a future action, which you did often, but then you'd follow it up with a past tense sentence.

It's too bad, because this story really does has great potential.

There is a notable difference in the usage of too and to.

Grammar issues aside, the story is very interesting.

Oh, man, a typo in the very first sentence and two in the first paragraph. I'm going to try to read on, but my patience for grammar/spelling issues runs short.

A beta reader would have made a huge difference.

''Gelé comme des statues"

''aucune parole, aucune vue"

''Qu'une paire de pantalon et une chemise blanche de coton apparaissent sur lui.'' would be more correct. Just saying.

oh shit! what's going to happen!

so, sabin and none of the other psychics can detect when someone is getting raped? would that be like someone mentally screaming?

oh, that's sooo sweet. shayne is soo good at being a flirt.

god, that sabin's a freak. sheesh, he's heartless. i wonder if we're going to find out why.

whoa. and lin has teeth. but it's not really strong to pick on a (even annoying) little girl. let's see how you develop his character, hm?

Wow.

I loved it, thats all i have to say :)

please do a sequel

i love this story :]