|Reviews for The Guardian Secret|
| Silent Will chapter 2 . 5/25/2007
The description of Max was very well done, but the dialogue could use a bit more work. I don't know how Mike's mom would know exactly what Mike did when he was fighting off the people, and I find it a bit unrealistic that someone would just pull a knife on him like that, but hey...maybe it's just a tough neighborhood. Anyway, work on the dialogue (Paula using Mike's name twice in one sentence fragment sounded awkward, and it sounded a bit childish to say someone got hit "where the sun don't shine")
But like I said before, if you can add a few innovative twists to this, you could have a great story soon enough. Just keep at it and trying to improve.
| Silent Will chapter 1 . 5/21/2007
It sounds like you have an interesting idea going on here, but there were a few problems that I saw. First of all, you really didn't seem to give a lot of description about the characters, such as what they physically look like, or any little quirks or identities about them. Just remember that this isn't a movie you're writing when you have to blend any development into dialogue.
Also, it's never a good thing to mostly use present-tense when writing. Also, a lot of times you were using "I" as a pronoun, but you didn't capitilize it too often, so you might want to watch out for that as well.
These are some of the problems that should be brought to your attention, but if you fix them up, you should have a pretty good story going.