Wow.

Unique. Lewd but...interesting. I wonder what happens next, but you ended it well. the sex scene seems a little overdone though. All in all though, I like it.

wonderfully written. i think it's one of a kind.

I like it. I like the disjointed feel.

Wow. I love how unique this is, the extended film-noir metaphor, the way you wove it into the sentences without saying it outright.

Just amazing!