|Reviews for Dark Light|
| Sidekicks-anonymous chapter 1 . 8/6/2013
Your writing style is very dramatic; it draws the reader in. You built a world with enough detail to seem real, and you didn't bore the reader in process. That's a sign of a good writer. :) Your pacing is also excellent. The story is moving slowly enough the build suspense, yet fast enough to keep the reader interested. I can't wait to find out where the dragon comes into things!
My only suggestion: review the sentence structure and word choice. Long, flowing sentences suit your story's mood, but they can also confuse people if used to often. You should vary your sentence length just a bit. Split a long sentence into two sentences, or (and I know this is hard) eliminate some of the adjectives. I have trouble with this, too; but I've learned that sometimes you have to just kick out all but the most necessary words. Even if it's a beautifully precise sentence, it will only distract from your story if it gets too long and complex.
| Creative1014 chapter 1 . 9/30/2008
| Luna Swanrita Bonita chapter 14 . 1/26/2008
Omg. that was... so sad! It was by far the most unexpected thing .I am really wondering what will happen next! Ok I am so sorry that I havnt talkd to you for awhile but i'v been like mongo busy. I finally put up one of my stories. its done yet or anything but its 4 or five chapters long. its not the one I had originally planned to put up first though but its my favorite. Please can you read it and see what you think? I've got to get back to school work. Midterms and such are over but it left me with loads of projects due so I'll talk to you l8r :)!
| Reda chapter 1 . 1/21/2008
Hrm. Well, you're very descriptive. And to be quite honest, I liked the first half a lot better than the last half.
I got a bit confused when she had the dream. Personal preference makes me want to say, put little break marks around the dream fragment. But that's mostly just me.
Heh. I'm not much of a reviewer, but there it is.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 14 . 12/28/2007
Dude, the ending of this chapter is screwed from an emotional point of view... :S Anyway, good chapter as always. I personally like the rescue scenes here. They're rather well detailed. That being said though, I still don't know how Aurora break free from her chains. It seemed a bit random to me... Anyway, any chance of a resurrection? I really wonder what you'll do in the future chapters. To kill off a seemingly important character can basically throw the story into a whole area of possibilities in terms of plot if you can do it correctly. Apart from that, nothing to say here. Anyway, thanks very much for your reviews on Elven Chronicles as up till now. Hope to see more of them soon! Bye! :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 13 . 12/26/2007
Dude, this is really a cliffie here at the end... anyway, good chapter here and I can see that you could be planning to do something about the Shaft's character development although I don't know how you will go along doing that... and yeah, the whole idea of future-seeing is also very interesting to say the least. Well, nothing to complain about here... anyway, thanks very much for your reviews on The Elven Chroincles as of up till now. Hope to see more of them soon in the future. Bye! :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 12 . 12/16/2007
Okay, good chapter here. I like the end in the sense that there seems to be further development in the plot. I also like the fact that you've decided to address Aurora's past, but just a couple of suggestions here:
1. On Aurora speaking out on her past, I think the impact is rather limited due to you having her saying the whole thing out straight. One good alternative is to portray the whole issue of her past in the direct view on what exactly happened. Meaning you can have her whole past being done in terms of detailed flashbacks. In this way, the reader will be able to relate better to the whole part of Aurora's past.
2. On the issue of the Shaft, what you can improve on it is that you can basically do explorations in his humane traits. Okay, I know he don't have any positive emotions to talk of from what I've gathered by your explanation of the Shaft's existence, but negative emotions are also a part of human nature and from this point alone, I believe you can work creatively on his humane side. Not necessary to be a good side, but rather, in-depth issues about his current state of emotions and existence, like how he may question his existence, how his hatred has made him into the twisted being he is now, etc. To have a villain being so rotten without any in-depth character within is the equivalent of a cliched element in fantasy. There's a reason behind every act. This is human nature at it's basics. There's only one God in the world after all. I believe you did do a reason for the Shaft's existence in Aurora's story. But try to expand it in such a way that the readers will actually feel for him.
Well, sorry that my two CCs have taken a big chunk of this review. Anyway, thanks very much for your reviews on Elven Chronicles. Hope to see more of them in the future! Bye! :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 11 . 12/16/2007
Well, good chapter here again. The fight scenes were rather well done, but maybe you can be more creative in movement wise. And yeah, it sucks to know Hroth got captured. The whole Dark Light quest is getting interesting now for sure. Sucks to know that Hroth won't be able to escape though... anyway, interested to see what will happen next...
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 10 . 12/9/2007
OMFG! Hroth's Kenna's dad! O.O That was one big twist although I think to a certain extent, this could be meant to be expected. Anyway, the whole Kenna hunting scene is getting creepy to me. It seems that the Shaft has some insidious plans, but then again, that's obvious. All fantasy stories are like that to a ceratin extent. Anyway, before I reached the end, I was still wondering wtf Hroth is thinking when he went out of his way to help Kenna. Interesting to see what can happen from the whole Hroth-is-Kenna's-dad issue... anyway, I really assume that Hroth will be a vital part to this story. And yeah, will kenna get a romantic interest? I'm dying to know the answer to that. And yeah, thanks very much for your first review for my other story Elven Chronicles. Hope to see more of your reviews for it soon! Bye! :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 9 . 11/28/2007
Heya there! It's me again lol! XD Anyway, again, good chapter here. I really wonder how the issue of the snowflakes will play into the plot if you're planning for that. Anyway, I'm curious to see what role will Hroth play in the future. He seems like an important player in this story... and yeah, the description of the scenes was also quite well done. Anyway, nothing much to say here since I guess it's a filler of sorts... anyway, thanks very much for your reviews for Wolfblood as up till now. Hope to see your reviews for my other stories, namely Elven Chronicles and Circles of Arven soon as well! Bye! :)
| Lumaris chapter 14 . 11/26/2007
NO! NOMEL T_T :( tears are literally coming :( I hope he really isn't dead... but it sounds like it T_T! I loved Nomel :(
Well written chapter, few minor typos though that I'm sure you'll see if you reread it - other than that, really good! But sad T_T so sad... the Shaft's gonna pay! _
| iflip4dolphins chapter 14 . 11/25/2007
HOW DARE YOU KILL NOMEL!
But, aside from that, good.
But if he's really dead... *holds knife threateningly above the Shaft*
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 8 . 11/22/2007
Ok, now I'm glad that there's certain character developments here. Just a CC here and that is, maybe you should focus a bit on Nomel's character development at the point of time where he found out that he got lied to by Kenna. If you want him to be a vital character, then you should have a go at that. Apart from that, nothing to comment here. This chapter's a bit short, but basically no complaints on that. Anyway, good chapter as always. And yeah, thanks for your reviews for Wolfblood as of up till now... one more chapter to review now as of up till now up to the updated chapter lol! XD Hope to see your review for the last updated chapter. Bye! :)
| Fiction Luver chapter 1 . 11/21/2007
cool first chappie, lol elppa is apple backwards! nice work, love the descriptions, this reminds me of eragon. The stoeytelling part(Brom) and Alagasia. If I knew you in real life, I'd draw pictures of the dragons for you! Great work, I'll be reading, g2g now cya!
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 7 . 11/20/2007
Ok, I think I'll end the review for this story on this chapter... anyway, I think this is the best chapter I've read so far. The whole issue of the voice and dragon is rather interesting although the whole issue on dragon rider reminds me of Eragon even though I'll admit that dragon riders are not only in that series... anyway, interesting theory on the issue of the Shaft. Just a CC here and that is concerning Kenna's mother. Basically, you can try doing flashbacks on Aurora's memory with her to let the readers feel a better impact on the whole issue. Apart from that, nothing much to say... anyway, thanks very much for your reviews for Wolfblood up till now. Hope to see more of your reviews for it soon! Bye! :)