|Reviews for Dark Light|
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 9/19/2007
Heya there! It's yours truly lol! XD Anyway, thanks very much for your review. Anyway, on with the review... ok, basically, nothing to complain here. The scenes were very well done and I do think this story has the potential to be a good one. The whole plague issue sounds like what I've seen from Warcraft 3 though. Anyway, just a suggestion here and that is, you can do some scenes which can let the readers have some clue on what is actually happening behind the story. I believe the plague has something to do with the story. If so, then my suggestion here can work for you depending if you want to do it. Apart from that, nothing much to say. Anyway, thanks again for your review on Wolfblood. Hope to see more of the reviews in the future soon! Bye! :)
| Whitney Carter chapter 1 . 9/18/2007
The beginning was really kinda sad, that all of those people are dying. And that Kenna is being shunned and tormented, etc. The dream was mysterious. I think Katrina, though, is quite the mother figure.
| FoxyWriter chapter 6 . 9/18/2007
Awesome chapter _ the pace was nice and it's well-written - I could clearly see the scene as I read it, which was coolio _ The fact that Hroth knew where they were was aslso very intriguing - I'm curious how he knew and what his part in the story is o.o Anyway, great chapter _
| FoxyWriter chapter 5 . 9/16/2007
Great chapter :D poor Nomel.. and that was interesting what Kenna saw o.o Nomel's becoming one of my favorite characters _ his dog-like features, fur, tail and everything makes him so cute _ Wonder what that scale is too o.o Anyway, great chapter _
| FoxyWriter chapter 4 . 9/14/2007
Great chapter! The Cree was freaky O.O I could see it vividly -shudders- and the gore wasn't so bad, but eek the injuries seemed painful :X Nomel seems like an interesting character with some sort of hidden past. Great writing too _ I'll review the next chapter when I can :D
| iflip4dolphins chapter 9 . 9/13/2007
Wow. You have me hooked.
Perhaps I should introduce myself. I'm new to the site, or I would have found this story a long time ago. I hope you'll listen to the constructive crtiscm of a newbie like me.
There's one thing that's really been bothering me. When you write them talking in dialouge, you often miss several comma's.
One thing that you have been doing well on iss 'all right'. I've seen way to many stories where that rule has been disobeyed.
All in all, great work. Please comtinue. I look forward to ollowing the adventures of Kenna, Aurora, and Nomel.
| Kyllex chapter 9 . 9/13/2007
Yay! Great chapter, poor Kenna...having to see her family like that.
I think this might work out as a book. It's a great story, but there are still a few typos and mistakes that you'd have to fix first. But if it did get published I'd definitely buy it.
Update soon please! Can't wait to see what happens next!
| Amy Van Den Berg chapter 9 . 9/13/2007
You have a good use of word. Well done with variation of words. Your descriptions are good and you articulate well what you wan to say. Your descriptions are good but as you continue in your writing endeavors you must be wary of over description. Too much description can hold up a story. It would be a good idea to keep writing the way that you currently are. (The description is really good in the seventh chapter.)
“…“Since when is this your land?” growled Nomel, jumping to the rescue. “Last time I checked no one owned this sorry excuse for a bog, and no one wanted to. Anyone who lives here must be as low as the filthy water itself.” Kenna cringed, fearing Nomel had gone too far. She was right….” You need to avoid using things such as “and she was right.” You don’t need to add it, as it is evident that she is right in the next paragraph.
Your writing is quite good but its lacking something but I can’t put my finger on it. I’ll let you know if I ’t worry about your chapters being long. I think that the seventh chapter is the best so far. Well done, keep it up.
| postcards from italy chapter 9 . 9/9/2007
Nya! Great chapter! The last part was very sad, poor, poor girl.
And yes, I would definately buy it if it got published (you should feel special, because im not a BIG fantasy fan) ... if you autographed it for me :D just kidding, I'm in a playful mood today, hehe.
- pretty yuina
| Kyllex chapter 8 . 9/2/2007
Yay! That was an awesome chapter. (I read the 7th chappie too, I don't think I read it before...I would've remembered something as significant as a dragon. xD)
Both of the chapters were great! I really hope Nomel and Kenna get over their fight.
Update soon! n_n
| postcards from italy chapter 8 . 9/2/2007
Very good chapter.
I liked Nomel's reaction, it was realistic not totally over the top Very good job.
I want to know more about her father, perhaps will learn more in later chapters?
- pretty yuina
| postcards from italy chapter 7 . 9/2/2007
I'm so sorry I didnt review before!
We started school this week and we got loads of homework..
This reminds me of Eragon, is that possibly where you got your inspiration from? I love the idea anyways, great chapter.
Again, I apologize for not reviewing sooner!
- pretty yuina
(this is miss deelylah rose, i changed my name again)
| FoxyWriter chapter 3 . 9/1/2007
Great chapter! I liked it _ the descriptions are wonderfully written, and overall a great piece of work :D Can't wait to read more - little busy right now though _ hope Kenna can save her village in 4 days' time! O.O!
| The Other Smith chapter 1 . 8/30/2007
Hello Kenna-Kat :)
You display a great range of vocabulary, which I am pleased to see that you are using very effectively here. There were also so very vivid descriptions that I found delightful to read, like your portrayal of the night sky, for instance, and even something as small as dropping the rag. I love it when I can see these things in my head.
Now for a few suggestions:
In the line 'The rag went flying off his head to land on the ground, throwing up a cloud of dust from the arid ground', I am sure that you see what you're doing there. Repetition is something that plagues many of us, and we must keep a wary eye out for this in order to prevent it, as it does tend to sneak in unexpectedly. Of course, not as deadly as this disease that you describe. ;)
When Gille says, "“Ok, thanks Kenna", his use of words seems out of place, almost like an anachronism of sorts. The word 'ok' seems a bit too contracted for the setting of your story, which is taking on, if I am not mistaken, an ancient tribal era, or something to that effect.
In the line 'She had never met either of her parents so she couldn’t defend them and no matter how hard she worked it seemed she could never earn their trust', you will see that you were referring to Kenna's parents, but later you would say 'their trust', which i assume is the other villagers. This is a bit of a discontinuity with the subject matter preceding it, as it seems that you are still talking about her parents.
Now, I tend to be a bit of a comma fiend, so I will always tell people to use more commas. But I am trying to cut down you see, and so I will only direct your attention to this slightly run-onish line here: 'He gulped the hot, humid air trying to calm down though his arms continued to vibrate until they couldn’t support him any longer and he fell back onto the cot.'
All in all, I'd say that you're doing a great job. I've only read the first chapter, so I'll reserve further judgement until I catch up with your updates . I stress that your descriptive work is quite amazing. My only worry is that your writing is sliding back and forth between the style of the setting and more modern tones that tend to show up once in a while.
Anyway, thank you for your time. I look forward to returning to this story some time soon.
| FoxyWriter chapter 2 . 8/29/2007
Great chapter - very interesting _ there were minor errors, but nothing that stood out badly. It's well-written and definitely an interest-grabber The chapter's length was hardly noticeable because of the style you have made everything flow to the point that you don't even know how long you've been reading until you glance at the time.
Anyway, I can't wait to follow Kenna on her adventure (and I really can't wait to meet the dragon!) And she told Katrina about her trip... I can sense evil approaching o.o Great chapter!