|Reviews for Dark Light|
| kelsi bones chapter 3 . 6/11/2007
Hello! I told you I'd R&R this, and now I finally have ]
This seems like an amazing story so far. I only have a one suggestions so far: be careful with your wording. In the second chapter, the healer was "even the simple herbs like feverfew do nothing" (something to that effect. It might have better if you said "even the rare/strong/potent herbs" instead. Saying that it's simple makes it sound like weak herb that obviously wouldn't help. Saying rare or stroung makes it seem like it was really expected to work, and it's a dissapointment that it did not.
Besides that, I can't wait for the next chapter. Great job!
| Anjel Kitty chapter 3 . 6/9/2007
What did her mother do with the sword? Who is Hroth really? These and many more questions are going through my mind as I read. I love the story. But it stopped and it waas getting good, too. (pouts) I can't wait for the next chapter.
| postcards from italy chapter 3 . 6/8/2007
awesome chapter... will hroth have a greater appearence later in the story or was he just a one time thing character?
| T. W. Foster chapter 1 . 6/8/2007
At first runover, this seems to be good, well-thought-out story. However, it needs some work as you suffer from run on sentences. If you'd like, I'll save this as a word document and send it to you with some suggested revisions. PM me to let me know.
Good so far,
| postcards from italy chapter 2 . 6/7/2007
oh this is really interesting, please update soon
| InsaneRomantic chapter 1 . 6/6/2007
First off, that was a brilliant summary, it actually made me want to read your story! I have honestly (And this is nothing against your story!) never been a fan of stories with dragon's, but I still got pulled into reading your first chapter! That's an excellent way to get readers interested, but remember, if the summary is good, the first chapter needs to back that up!
Since you started the first chapter with drama, remember that the readers are going to expect more drama. Even if the sickness is leading to something much bigger, it still represents a rather dark theme. Other than the fact that you've started with a really hard chapter to follow up with, it's really great! I find that it's interesting how you describe the sickness, and how it's effected the people. Very good.
Next thing, avoid every day lingo like 'Okay', because that doesn't seem very realistic. Not even in a fantasy world. Try to use lingo that fit's the theme, the era, the time, and all of that jazz. You know what I mean? Try to make the world as real as possible.
Always avoid putting more than 6 setences per paragraph, because it's hard for the readers to follow. Not many people want to focus on a huge paragraph, no matter how good it is. Especially if the font is really big or really small.
That's all for now, I hope that I've helped you out somehow!
| Anjel Kitty chapter 2 . 6/2/2007
It stopped. And it was getting good. Hope you keep writing this. I love dragons and fanasty. And I love your writing.
| A Sweet Escape chapter 2 . 6/1/2007
This is so amazing! I don't know how you come up with it! The descriptions are fantastic are your vocab is not shabby, lol. Wonderful, dahhling! Keep it up!
| Kyllex chapter 2 . 5/30/2007
Great chapter! It's very descriptive and suspensful! I think it's horrible how Kenna is treated in the village, just because of her mother's actions. :(
Well, update soon! I can't wait to see what happens next!
| Kyllex chapter 1 . 5/26/2007
This is really good so far!
You're descriptions are amazing, it's really easy to get sucked into this. I'm sure as you go along the story will be VERY addicting!
Like Xonelel said, you should try to seperate out those really long paragraphs, it makes my eyes hurt when I read them. -_-
I'll be looking forward to an update!
| Xonelel chapter 1 . 5/25/2007
I have a feeling that the dragon is important, no? :D The imagery in this is wonderful, everything is very vivdly described!
The only real feedback would be to try and space out your paragraphs a bit. There's one very long one in the middle that is worth reading, but the words start to blurr a bit since there's so many. Just split those kinds of paragraphs up into 2 or 3 and you'll be fine. :)
As for any other errors, those are jsut minors ones like apostrophes and whatnot. XD
GREAT JOB for a first time writer! Yay for you! _