Reviews for Meant To Be
Twilight Starr chapter 4 . 7/1/2008
Ha ha. The llama conversation was kind of strange and funny. I love the simplicity of your style-as in your writing isn't weighed down by a ton of details. A suggestion: change "He was also crying" to "He was crying, too". It seems more like a normal speech pattern for your character. The other one seems a bit more formal. It's just a little thing. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 3 . 7/1/2008
I liked seeing Lucas's perspective. A technical thing is that you should spell out numbers like the 6, referring to the 6 laps. It made me laugh when they had a civil conversation. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 7/1/2008
I'm really wondering why she thinks he's so spoiled, etc. She hasn't named one solid reason why she doesn't like him. It would be nice if we got more info why. Just a thought. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
I like the title. I feel sorry for Annette because sibling fights can be rough. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~
its.Nothing.Special chapter 2 . 7/1/2008
LOL, I just got your PM. My summer’s going pretty well. Pretty chill. Practice, shower, eat, sleep, read, write. Then sleep. Again. And repeat. Yeah . . .

You did a bit of tense-switching this chapter, which I completely understand. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of sticking to one tense as you continue writing.

[“Yeah, well, whatever,”] The comma should be a period. Since you probably already know this, I’ll leave it to you to change those yourself. LOL. But she talks like me. “YEAH, WELL . . . SO? See if I care, you turd!”

Hmm, you rushed through her classes pretty quickly. Like: first I went to this class, then this class, next was lunch. You don’t even have to mention her classes if you don’t feel like talking about them (even WRITING about school just bores me, so sometimes I just skip straight to lunch. LOL). Otherwise it just seems bland, like you’re mentioning them just for the sake of it. You could say something like “After suffering through inevitably boring classes for several hours—I actually took decent notes this time, thank you very much—the lunch bell sounded heavenly to my ears which were still ringing with monotonous lectures.” Or you know, something a little more your style (and a little less cheesy), but that still gets the point across in a sentence or two, you know? Just to keep your readers’ interest.


Whoa there, Nettie. Calm down. I know Lucas is hawt and all, but try to stay seated, yeah? LOL. Silly girl. That must’ve been embarrassing. Wonder what Luke was thinking.

[But he has his own opinions and I have mine.] I like how she said that about Ian. Some people just can’t accept the fact that people have different opinions. Of course, it sucks that she won’t even give Luke a chance, but I’m sure she’ll get there.

[“I don’t know, somewhere,” I said as I stalked off.] She talks like a regular person. I like that. People are usually really vague when they’re upset, so kudos to you for capturing that!

But you might want to add something like “feeling someone’s gaze burning my back” after “I stalked off,” just to make readers a little more curious. :D

Great chapter once again! Since my eyes are practically closing on me (I didn’t get much sleep last night), I’ll come back later, kay?


its.Nothing.Special chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
Okay, I’m here! WEWT. -dances in a circle and falls-

Let’s get the boring grammatical/nit-picky stuff out of the way first. Sorry if this is annoying; I’m just trying to help. -weeps-

[She said it was a stupid nickname and that she could call me whatever she wanted too.]

Too to. Though it might make a bit more sense if her mom said that she could call Nettie what she named her. I think moms are more likely to say poopy stuff like that. LOL.

[“What about Penny?” I asked in return. “She has soccer,”] Okay, so! If you’re not going to put any dialogue tags after “She has soccer” (e.g. “she said” or “she explained”) then you would put a period there and not a comma. So it should be “She has soccer.” And then you go to your new line.

So, it shouldn’t be [I sighed heavily. “Fine,”] either. The comma should be a period since the “I sighed heavily” came first. I hope that’s not confusing.

Speaking of: when Nettie asked about Penny, I got the assumption that Penny was someone who could drive, and that Nettie wanted HER to pick up their siblings, but she couldn’t, because she had soccer practice. So I got a little confused there. Maybe you could clear that up a bit earlier for easily lost readers like myself?

And one more thing: be careful with the double punctuation marks. I know, I know, they’re really fun and you just want to emphasize, but “?” and “!” are stylistically unprofessional and blah blah blah. So yeah. There are other ways to emphasize, I guess.


LOOL, the whole Liam/Hannah scene was flippin hilarious. It was like I was watching a movie. A very funny one at that!

[“SHE’S BEING SO ANNOYING!” he answered angrily.

“Hannah, were you being annoying?” I asked my crying sister. She looked back up at me and nodded.]

LOL, how cute is that? Liam needs to chill. HAHA!

[She was making these weird noises with her mouth, over and over again. Oh great. That’s exactly what Liam hates!] ROFLOLAHA, that reminded me so much of my little brother and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Man, that’s aggravating. I guess I can relate to Liam a bit more now, but still. Hannah’s just precious.

[“Because you’re a spoiled brat who thinks of no one but himself, you’re rude, you annoy me constantly, AND you thank that you are better than everyone else just because you’re rich,”]

Aww, don’t be so meant to poor Luke. The comma there should probably be a dash, by the way. Like, this thing! “—” I love that punctuation mark to death.

All in all, a very entertaining first chapter. Get the grammar bits taken care of, and you’ll be good to go! I really did enjoy this if you couldn’t tell. :D

Reda chapter 1 . 1/21/2008
Love the way you start. Nice attention-grabber. "God I hate my name." Hehe

When you start describing Hannah and Liam, you switch from past to present tense. Pick one and stay with it. Personally, I prefer past, but sometimes present tense can be really fun too. Just. Pick one.

Kinda funny. I have the urge to tell Annette that bible verse that says something like "don't complain about the twig in someone's eye when you have a log in your own." - or whatever (i'm really bad at quoting bible verses). Because just from her attitude and way of rejecting him, she sounds like exactly what she's complaining about.

And I want to get to know Luke more. I can predict that I'll get the chance though. :)

Boo123 chapter 5 . 1/12/2008
kep updatin realli good
Kenna-Kat11 chapter 4 . 6/12/2007
hey, this chapter is pretty good. i am wondering if the fight between her three siblings will amount to anything later? hmm... there was only one thing i found i think you could change but don't worry it was small... in the paragraph were you were describing Nettie going out to find Liam you said "I also told them both that I was sorry and I’d come back to console them later." i think console it too strong a word in this sentence to use in association with little children because they most likely wouldn't understand the meaning of console, i would use something like 'calm down' ( does that make sense?) ...just a thought... anyway keep it up i can't wait to read more!

Stahlut chapter 4 . 6/11/2007
This was good and kind of cute in places. oh and the whole fight thing yeah thats kind of a really bad thing to happy. anyway i like it so please keep it coming and i cannot wait to read more.
ihrtbks chapter 4 . 6/11/2007
You developed Mikayla and Ian! Llamas ARE cute, just not your puppy dog cute, more like your chubby baby cute. I know I'm crazy, trying to classify cute, but whatever. Liam is getting a little scary.

Kenna-Kat11 chapter 2 . 5/30/2007
i thought it was good...i love how you keep Nettie so judemental about Luke...builds up the suspense...i still think you could use just a little more description...I am sorry if i keep saying that but its just that I am really big on imagery..anyway..good job keep writing! :)

biggerthanthis chapter 2 . 5/28/2007
I think Luke's cute, but if Nettie says all those mean things to him everyday, why would he keep on asking her out?

Just a thought. I like it though! Update soon. :)
ihrtbks chapter 2 . 5/28/2007
Looks like Nettie doesn't know it's one of those informally acknowledged things that being annoying is one of the ways guys flirt. Poor Luke. A really random thought, but are you going to do Mikayla and Ian romance? Best friends of couple is cute and they could work on setting them up!

Kenna-Kat11 chapter 1 . 5/27/2007
Hey! I thought it was pretty good so far. You described the people very well, like how they act and what they think, but I think that if you put just a little bit more description about Nettie's surroundings the reader might connect to it more...just a thought anyway...otherwise it was very enjoyable...can't wait for the second chapter! :)

93 | « Prev Page 1 .. 3 4 5 6 7 Next »