|Reviews for Emery & Me|
| Gillu the gilehri chapter 18 . 11/8/2010
Awesome ! I love-love-loved it ! XD
| Bitterblue23 chapter 18 . 10/29/2010
Omg I LOVE this! You should get it published, so that I can buy it and treasure it for the rest of my life!
| Quiet Chaos chapter 18 . 10/28/2010
Great story :) I loved Bronwyn (which is an awesome name, by the way). She was hilarous. Ditto with Matt and Nathan-they literally each had me laughing out loud. The dialogue seemed really natural and funny. The characters were all really realistic, and I could see their relationships with each other pretty well. XD
| i-wish-i-had-wings chapter 18 . 10/19/2010
wow...this story was just perfect! i liked that when andy laid it all out and said it was like a soap-opera, i hadn't thought of it like that. the story is just so much more, the characters are "real". i loved the way you described emery's and bronny's relatoinship, the tension...and i was so MAD at amber! thank you for writing this, it was an amazing read -
| MeMe chapter 18 . 10/15/2010
I love this story
If you look up dramatic irony in a dictionary, this should be next to it.
I loved the suspense. We all knew what was going on, but the characters didn't (obviously) and it was just so good.
I loved the whole thing
Oh and at the end with the white jelly bean... PERFECT
I love the ending... I wish that they had kissed... but the kiss from the last chapter was really good so it's okay :)
| CaramalizedSugarPuff chapter 18 . 10/7/2010
i love this story, i can't even explain how much I love it, it's amazing.
and everytime I clicked on Emery and Me, ( i love the name emery btw!) it would come up with this stupid fictionpress error, i've been trying for over a week to get in lol :)
seriously, the library scene gave me ACTUAL BUTTERFLIES, e-maze-in. :DD
and I thought it was cool that you could write such a wicked story in like, 7 months, was it? Some people ( me included) start a story and keep writing it for the next five years ( i've yet to complete a story, i change my mind to much :])
seriously, this is my favourite, and one of the best stories on fictionpress. well done, i love it so much.
and the end, so cute :D
i'm in love with emery ;]
| theatlparagkyard chapter 10 . 9/22/2010
Fuck Amber.I want Bronwyn to end up with Cobe!
| M chapter 18 . 9/20/2010
You must've done some major editing because some of the references don't make sense and their first meeting that they talk about isn't there.
Good story anyway :)
| The Sweetest Girl chapter 18 . 9/19/2010
Ahh, I love this story. Right now I need some doze of skater boys. I lovelove skater boys. HAH. Write that just to make my little review longer. I don't have sister, so I have no idea how it's when your sister has a boyfriend. Maybe that's a pluss. Meep. I love Emery, he's the perfect cutie. And I don't care if he smoked. I know a lot of people who smokes so, it's not a big deal. :D
Matt and Nathan - the perfect fun boys, ehh, I guess in every school are the jokers.
I liked the little kids in this story. They were so cute, not caring about anything and drawing something, not caring how perfect it will turn out. Sweet childhood.
Bronwyn's friends were awesome. :D Amber - I think I understand her. When you like somebody and this somebody turns out to be the same as your best friend and be her's/his soul-mate, you would do anything just to keep them apart. I guess the same goes for Cobe.
I like Bronwyn, she seems so cool.
As I said, I loved this story.
| midnightsstar9212 chapter 18 . 9/18/2010
its not national best seller but its really quite good. its cute amd funny, yet serious and kind of emotional. I like it. :)
| oxBlueEyes15xo chapter 18 . 9/15/2010
I read all of this story just now, and loved it. It was beautifully written. And it's so good to see more Australian writers out there on this sight.
| sarcasm is my middle name chapter 18 . 9/10/2010
Love this story soo much, bit angsty but which romance isn't? :)
| S. Eli -not active chapter 11 . 8/31/2010
Here’s my review for Emery and Me:
First of all, I commend you on the execution of this story—through the major plot points; you’ve successfully created an emotionally charged conflict as well as likeable characters. I do have problems with this piece, however, and in my strenuous efforts to better the greater works of FictionPress, this review is composed of mostly constructive criticism that you can choose to or choose not to follow. But it did take a long time to construct, so I’d appreciate a little appreciation. :)
Okay, I commend you on your writing style in this piece only because in a world of over-exaggerated heroines with no REAL personality, you made Bronwyn a realistic kind of quirky. You did slip into the mediocre sense of random dialogue every now and then (i.e., comments that don’t fit the situation, and have no real purpose for the story), but overall you kept the dialogue snappy and fresh. In the future, though, try to stay away from the trap of cheap laughs—don’t force funny dialogue in a serious moment, because—sure, the tweens will love it, but—the refined will press the back button quick. I am somewhere in-between the two, so it annoyed me a bit, but I kept reading because it was enjoyable in its own way.
Next, your plot: I think that most people touch on this plot but don’t really explore the main character’s feelings efficiently. You did. I have a sister, and although I’m pretty much sure this situation would never happen to us (we have a completely different taste in guys right down to the physical appearance and ethnicity), you effectively conveyed believable feelings that one would feel in the circumstance. I WOULD feel as if I was betraying my sister, and I probably would have sacrificed him. It has nothing to do with a self-sacrificing personality; it’s just what I would do. So I do praise you on that, as well.
You also kept the reader interested with the sister’s mysterious behavior. I specifically thought (back in chapter three or four) that Amber was pregnant. And then Bronwyn said there was no way, and I took her word for it. So then, I remember thinking, in these exact mental words: “Okay, I’m gonna keep reading so I can find out what the hell is wrong with this chick.” And for the simple fact that you made me think that is genius. Really—that’s what writing is about.
However, the romantic interest between Emery and Bronwyn start a bit late. Sure, I think everything worked out fine and from what everyone said they would make a good couple, but she didn’t even realize he was any sort of attractive until the seventh chapter. As opposed to Cobe (I have no idea how to pronounce his name—Coby? Cob, as in corn-on-the? Cobe as in rhymes-with-globe?), whom she confessed an attraction for much earlier on. This late interest sort of worked against you, because I didn’t see Emery as anyone but another Matt until the elevator situation, which was in—what, the eleventh chapter? I hardly thought it was anything to ruin sisterhood over.
That’s basically why I’m “Team Cobe/Coby/Cob.” Emery and Bronwyn, to be frank, seemed the equivalent of meeting a hot guy at a bar and pursuing. Cobe seemed more like fate had brought them together (but that sounds overly dramatic. Whatever), but once she realized Emery was attractive, she dropped him like a stomach on Two-Face. And not in a “I’m having an epiphany—I’m in love with Emery!” sort of way, but in a “I never even liked him and I don’t know why he talked to me in the first place” way. That doesn’t sit right with me.
Okay, enough rambling and picking apart that one aspect. I’ll move on: Your Characters. Now, Bronwyn has been seen many times before and I’m pretty sure she won’t be the last Bronwyn around. The selfless, eccentric, oblivious girl who tries to make everyone happy. She’s not particularly a bad MC, it’s just that she has what I like to call Fail-Free-Flaws. You’re playing it safe with her, because her flaws are things like being TOO selfless and being naïve. But everyone will love her and think she’s a good guy because she would do anything for the people she loves. She doesn’t do anything wrong—she doesn’t even really make mistakes. It’s as if this situation just happened to her and she made all the right choices. It makes for a likeable character, but not an interesting story.
Next, Amber. Now, Amber is also being a bit of a cookie cutter. The sister that has everything but doesn’t realize it and/or is too jealous of her other sister to care. I think that in order for someone to once have been confident enough to confront guys and have the gall to tell her sister to stay away from their boyfriend—they couldn’t have been as simplistic as Amber. She’s just a normal antagonist and the only redeeming thing she’d done was tell her sister to go after Emery. And that wasn’t all that redeeming, to be honest. Bronwyn should have done that from the start.
Next, Emery. He is probably the most unique character in the story. He still slips into clichés, but it’s never too bad. He’s the one with the bad qualities and good qualities, which makes me actually like him. He smokes (I wish he’d kept smoking so that it wouldn’t have been such a useless characteristic in the end), he hangs with the wrong crowd, he ditches, he has/had a hardcore girlfriend, and he cheats on her, too. But he also has a sense of humor, dotes on his younger sister (cliché), has weird music tastes, and dresses like a little skateboarder/scene kid. Now weigh his good and bad qualities and then weigh Bronwyn’s and you’ll see what I was talking about with you playing it safe with her.
Finally, Cobe/Coby/Corn-on-the-Cob. What a useless character. No, really—he’s my favorite, but in the end he turned out to be useless, and had no meaning whatsoever. Sure, he was the one who made Bronwyn realize she liked Emery, but such a generic conversation could’ve been with anyone. Hell, I could picture Opal saying “You can’t take your eyes off’a my Jackie, can you?” My sweet little Cobe—I think you should just nix him, because like I said earlier, if anything he just confused me. Bronwyn flirted with him like she really liked him and then forgot about him like she didn’t. So…yeah. He had no purpose (but you can give him to me. I’ll give him one if you know what I mean.)
Overall, this was a short, but satisfying read. I would have liked it better if you hadn’t played it so safe with everything. It kept this story at so-so/good, but with a few unconventional touches, it could’ve been great. My overall advice to you is: Don’t be afraid to push the envelope. And I’m not talking, “Hey, make Bronwyn even crazier and Nathan (whom I DO like) even more random!” I’m talking, Emery-is-addicted-to-drugs-and-can’t-quit, Amber-is-pregnant-with-Emery’s-child, Bronwyn’s-mother-gets-laid-off types of “push the envelope.”
I did like this though. I told you at the beginning, this is all really just criticism (I’m not sure if the constructiveness is implied, or if I haven’t given any real constructive criticism. Hopefully, I did.) Okay, this is the end of this long essay.
| heelsovrhead chapter 3 . 8/28/2010
kso, i was suppose to review for last chapter. but i pressed the go button.
but but but.
i just wanted to say that :O you listen to sufjan stevens?
sorry, but a lot of people don't and they're missing out...
& i love your story.
your into doesn't drag on like a lot of writers i've been reading.
i really enjoy it! :)
| dipintheriverstyx chapter 18 . 8/27/2010
Absolutly amazing story!
You deserve more than just 10 reviews. WAY more!