Reviews for Snippets
Little girl Big world chapter 5 . 11/5/2009
You have a way with words.

Very talented!
Little girl Big world chapter 4 . 11/5/2009
Stunning imagery in this.

"you are fading away faster than a candle flame

and your angles are blurring at the edges"

Favorite lines.
Little girl Big world chapter 3 . 11/5/2009
Aw so sad. I love the metaphor of a treasure map.

The last stanza is a tragic but perfect ending for this.
Little girl Big world chapter 2 . 11/5/2009
I love the bit about the halo.

This is so sad. Very raw and full of emotion.

Wonderful writing!
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 11/5/2009
This is so up front about so many different issues. I love it!

Favorite.
tonight we bloom chapter 4 . 7/14/2009
You are very talented. You have a way with words and you truly know how to paint beautiful images in your reader's mind.

I look forward to reading more of your work!
Kikyuu chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
My favourite is the sixth stanza. You have a real way with imagery and I really felt as if you were painting a picture before me. Just one criticism - your third stanza, I feel, is the weakest. I'm sorry that I can't really explain why I think that but there it is - I thought that I'd just point it out from a reader's point of view.
Kikyuu chapter 3 . 4/20/2008
Beautiful in its simplicity and tragedy.
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 5 . 4/19/2008
Sad. Conflicted. I like the line "your smokers voice wrapped around the words / scrawled on scraps of napkins at night". You are very good with images.

I don't understand how the line "what I need is to be you" fits with the whole rest of the poem... it seems kind of unneccessary since it doesn't seem to be the point.

-Jesse

Revenge of the review marathon (link in my profile)
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 4 . 4/19/2008
Very interesting imagery in this poem. I love this line - "there are stories like rivers that / slosh through my veins". The imagery in "the space in your hcest where your heart should be / is bleeding." is, well, not beautiful because it's a horrific image, but still.

It's different than your other poems, and it's a good kind of difference.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 3 . 4/19/2008
This one doesn't seem as powerful as your other poems, but maybe that's because the generic cutter poem is starting to get old to me. If you had told more of his story than defining him by what he did it would have been more intense.

I like how you put the quoted words in brackets in the same place in each stanza. But... the significance of being called treasure map boy... if that alludes to the scars on him... then, if people knew him as "simply treasure map boy", if they defined him by those scars, too, then wouldn't they have noticed something was wrong?

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 2 . 4/19/2008
I like your use of the word "darklight". I don't understand who is speaking to whom in these lines, though - "he said that he was sorry; / babe, i really gotta go." It seems as though the first line is her talking to you while she's on the phone, and the 2nd line is him talking to her. It's confusing.

By putting the last 3 words on their own lines, you make it that much more powerful, especially with the italics.

Very good job.

-Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
Powerful poem. I like it a lot. You do well with the variety of lengths in the lines, and you pull a twist in the last stanza before the question at the end. At first I was like "This is going to be yet another annoying 'oh poor girls and media's image of them' poem", but you proved me wrong. This one is far more powerful than I thought it could have been. Good job! :D

I also really like these lines: "bird neck wrists snapping under the weight / of perfection"

-Jesse

Revenge of the review marathon! (link on profile)
Esther Jade chapter 5 . 4/19/2008
Interesting subject and contrasts. I couldn't quite work out, though, why the person whose perspective the poem is from would want to be the person whom the poem is about. They don't seem to have a lot to recommend them. Though, I like your portrayal of how destructive and confused the relationship is.

I think the structure of the poem generally complements the theme well. The one-line stanzas really help the development of the poem. Though, as far as punctuation goes (my hobby horse as you can tell, I'm sure), I think the poem needs a little bit more.

I like the way you used colours in the second stanza's descriptions. I also liked the alliterative use of the letter "s" and soft "c" sound in the fourth of the long stanzas.

Overall, I enjoyed this collection. You seems to be an innovative poet who brings something really original to your work.

- Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
Esther Jade chapter 4 . 4/19/2008
Very interesting poem! Some of the images are very powerful. Particular favourites for me were:

hair in your eyes is darker than oil spills over water;

seas of skeletons in your gaze

I wasn't entirely sure what the subject of the poem was. It felt like, well, not a hallucination but something conjured by the writer's brain. For all that the subject didn't seem real, you made the description very vivid. It reminded of when in Diane Setterfield's "Thirteenth Tale", the main character talks about these images to her and force her to write.

Technically, I also preferred the use of enjambment, punctuation and rhythm in this poem. I thought you used them very effectively and there was a sense of urgency in the poem.

The only improvement I can think of is structure. You probably did have structure and fictionpress ruined it; still, it felt like something was missing. You can fix the structure thing in the html window - it's quite easy, just compare the lines in previous poems where you had smaller gaps and larger gaps and then post the appropriate code. It's just an idea...
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