Reviews for Snippets
Esther Jade chapter 3 . 4/19/2008
I really liked the rhythm in this poem. It was consistent and very clear. The only exception was, I thought, in the last four lines, which didn't seem to quite match. I couldn't work out if this was deliberate or not.

The poem also has a lovely poignancy. There's a great contrast between the boy's childish dreams and his tragic activities. It reminds me, vaguely, of the girl that is the main character in Pan's Labyrinth. It feels like a similar kind of disjoint.
Esther Jade chapter 2 . 4/19/2008
I find the perspective of this poem a bit confusing. It sounds like whomever he is on the phone is the love-interest of the person addressed as "you" but then the kissing bit at the end is confusing. I thought perhaps the perspective of the poem might be a mother's but, if so, it probably needs to be pinned down more specifically.

I like the subject, though. The opening with the "beautiful and terrible" in the innocuous action of twirling her hair is particularly nice. I also like the little bit of dialogue you put in the second stanza.

Again, I think it might need a little more punctuation. The effect of run-on lines gets dissipated when you don't end-stop any lines.
Esther Jade chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
I particularly liked the images in the first two stanzas. The image "smiles glow like radiation" has a lovely sinister undertone. I also liked the contrast that you formed between the smiles in these two stanzas.

Some of the other contrasts in the poem didn't feel quite as sharp. I think it was because they were less detail-specific than the ones in the opening stanzas. I did like public-private contrast near the end on the subject of sexuality, though again it could probably have been pinned down a bit more clearly.

Definitely an interesting subject which you bring a lot to. On the technical side, although you do have punctuation, I think the poem needs a bit more. Poetry is written to be read out loud and punctuation is the strongest guide that a poet has to direct how the poem should be read.

- Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
generically beautiful chapter 4 . 1/11/2008
Your first two lines gave me chills. I love this piece.

-Christine
generically beautiful chapter 3 . 1/11/2008
So, so sad. But beautiful at the same time.

-Christine
in a jar pk chapter 3 . 10/16/2007
'treasure map boy...' such gorgeous, painful imagery. i like your style. x
in a jar pk chapter 1 . 10/16/2007
'what's right with this picture' is like a beautifully written suckerpunch. i love it. bruises into songs; genius. x
Wylloa chapter 3 . 6/16/2007
I read these, all three, and unlike most things in this world, it made sense.. It Made Sense.

There IS nothing right with America.

Being in love causes tears way too often.

And when Knowing that x marks the spot isnt enough, why care?

You are going on my favs list and staying there.

Many Kudos.
whispered something profound chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
this is really good. i like how you focused on a whole bunch of things that are wrong with the world, not just one.
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