Reviews for Must i live another day?
speechless chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
"..." that's pretty much what went through my head as I read this, and a few other poems you have on here. And then I nearly cracked up by how hopelessly stupid this was. It didn't make a lick of sense. Never mind the use of words (spelling/grammar), you pretty much threw words in for reasons I cannot fathom. How does this tie in with caterpillars, dye, and satan? Hating your life and a broken pen? Virgin wrists? I mean, what the fuck? None of that made any sense! Do you even know how to write poetry? Do you even know how to write english?

By chance, I came across this because of Venustas iaceo. Who supposedly flamed you. Well, I read what the person put. And yes, it was harsh, but you know what? What Venustas said is totally right. It may be a flame (or not) but you honestly need someone (and there have been lots so far) to knock you down a peg so that you know how blatanly you suck. You cannot write. You suck! Get that through your head. YOU SUCK! And if this all was a joke than you're just pathetic and have no life. So get over yourself and grow up. Write with actual talent or don't write at all. And do not publically try to harrass someone just because they stated an opinion (or flame). It shows how really immature you are. And I do sincerely hope you die. Heck, I'd kill you myself if I had to sit through reading anymore of this fucking crap.

So, good luck with whatever. You really need lot's and lot's of it. You know, cause you fuckin suck.

P.s. Your poems just invites flames... my recommendation is to just give up or move on. People will flame you. Cause it actually deserves it.
socks-lost chapter 1 . 2/18/2008
Its really sad. some parts were hard to understand but i got it in the end. very original.

My favorite lines were:

"My life is a pile of pencil shavings

The worthless cast-off remnants

My inner demons"
velvet jesus chapter 1 . 1/23/2008
Who the fuck is Amon ra?


"My life is like the caterpillar on sarah's porch

All fuzzy and decorated with blissful joy!

But the fake joy outside on my catershell

Is falling off as the days slide by in perfect

Synchronized agony!" best simile ever.
Venustas iaceo chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
You know, being a fan of Satanism, I have to inform you that Satanists would kill you. You see, Satanism is religion that doesn't believe in an afterlife or Gods for that matter but cherishes themselves and art. Do you know what you don't cherish? Both.

Your "twisted soul" probably consists of "Oh my god, my boyfriend left me." "Oh my god, that man knocked me up when I was 12 and he was my Daddy." However, you "twisted soul" fails to be agonizing unless you take into account it's supposed poetry.

You want to die or to dye? I have to ask, what color are your bedsheets now?

God, if I knew you, I would bitchslap you.

Or you would fail my class.

Fuck, I would have kicked you out of my class.

Also, your feelings mean nothing to me because with your bad grammar you fail to touch me. Shouting AGONY! does not make me think "Oh my god, I feel so sorry for that girl!" It makes me think something like "I'ma need to smack a ho 'cause bitch needs a smack to the face."

You know what, why don't you do us a favor? I'm not going to say die. I'm not going to say stop using 1337. If you're going to say your life sucks. Tell me a fuckin' story. Don't bitch. Don't just go whining that your life suck. For all I know you broke your fuckin' nail today. I wrote this when I was 12. You're 16. Let's kick it up a notch, huh?
Nirnaeth Arnoediad chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
Please, please, please, use proper English. Very few people want to read ur or betch, or see a string of !1!s at the end of a sentence. Proper spelling and grammar makes writing worlds easier to read, and one exclamation point is more than enough. Spelling can be very difficult for some people, but running your work through a spell-checker will help a lot.

There are lines in there that are very good. "Virgin wrists" and "bloodstained match" create very powerful images. But you also have a lot of cliches, like "I h8 my life." If you're going to write about a subject used as frequently as this, it helps to try to bring something new or interesting to it.

You definitely have some talent, but you should work on the presentation of your ideas. Spell-checking and re-reading your work, as well as trying to cut down on cliches, will make your poetry a lot more enjoyable to read.
Jecori chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
"My life is a pile of pencil shavings

The worthless cast-off remnants

My inner demons

Will onlie go awayz if i burn them"

I love these lines. Creative words. Don't think us reviewers are gonna diss this. This is good stuff. Written a bit streetish, yeah that's pretty much how i talk, but when it comes to writing, use proper grammar. That's it. Good job :]
hey maria chapter 1 . 5/28/2007
omg dis is rely sad r u rly gunna kil urself? dont do it cuz that would make jesus cry but omg srously ur so talnted u shud b a profsesunal (sp?) poem riter or sumthing