|Reviews for Autumn|
| Yellow Umbrella chapter 1 . 4/26/2008
This is absolutely beautiful, perfectly summerised. Don't you ever feel like there is so much more to say than just three lines? Maybe I'll go try a haiku and see...
| Ladybugg13 chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
Haiku's can be hard to write, this one is very nice. I've always thought of tree weeping the loss of their leaves.
in fa-oh my god I love you.
I just stopped what I was doing and wrote ANOTHER poem. Once the though of trees weeping the loss of their leaves got into my head, my muse freaked out. thank you.
I'm not posting it yet, for fear it will suck in the morning. (it happens all too often) I'll pm you when and if i post it.
| September's-Rose chapter 1 . 10/3/2007
In one word, I would describe your haiku as "amazing!" This is immediately going into my favorites! My favorite part, I must admit, is the line "Trees weep orange tears." I've never head of the leaves described in such a way, but from now on, I never look at them in any other.
Thank you for reviewing my song, as well as critiquing it; it was extremely appreciated!
| eva chapter 1 . 6/17/2007
A little cliche for my liking but marvelous all the same.
| xDancingintheRainx chapter 1 . 6/12/2007
I like the idea of the trees weeping orange tears. Its really creative and I've never thought of tears as having the possibility to be orange before. I've always thought them transparent, red, blue, deep purple, black, or any other color but orange. That line just pulls the rest of the piece together so perfectly and it fits. I really love this piece and I can't think of anything that could make it better, or of any concrit I could give you.
-eats cookie- ;)
| NothingNothingNothing chapter 1 . 6/5/2007
Another haiku! :D
[I should try writing some, but I have no discipline...I'll just waffle on for about 5 pages and then scrunch it up and direct it to the bin]
I love the idea of autumn is the grave for summer!
And orange tears...it's like tear shaped leaves! :)
| Basara chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
visually contrasting... with meaning...
| Crossing the Rubicon chapter 1 . 5/31/2007
The last line is wonderful personification. Although the phrase "summer's autumn grave" is an interesting idea, it does sound odd, like a previous reviewer said. By the way, you could probably sneak another syllable into the last line since "orange" is generally said as one syllable. (I don't know what else you would put in the last line, but I just noticed that with the way I pronounce "orange", it would be four syllables.) Overall, nice haiku. Keep writing.
| Ink'd-Reality chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
Nice imagery, as per usual. But, again, contrasting themes. First you say the leaves are dancing, suggesting celebration and mockery. And then you having weeping trees. Contrast itself isn't bad, but you have to differentiate. Trees and leaves are too similar. For instance, you could say the flowers weep silken tears, or something like that. Also, I can understand why you put the words 'summer's autumn grave', but to me it seems too awkward. Two seasons in one phrase? Not working. I would scrap the autumn - you've got enough of that through falling leaves - and say something like summer's coloured grave, or something along those lines. Going back to the whole theme of the poem... I'm not so sure. For one thing, autumn symbolises that summer is dying, not dead and gone. That's another idea - you could put something really contrasting, like summer's empty grave. Poetic, no? Except you're not allowed to use that, or anything along those lines. S'mine. *shifty eyes*
There. I reckon I ought to get 10 cookies for that. *takes 15 anyway*
Oh, and another thing. I hate the word orange in poetry. Please, don't use it.
| Stella-Polaris chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
I want to write something nice too! T_T
| deadrosepetals chapter 1 . 5/29/2007
This was a very interesting piece. I like the part about 'trees weeping orange leaves'.
| Chameleon81 chapter 1 . 5/29/2007
Very nice. Great imagery. I especially liked the last line.
Where's my cookie?