Reviews for Check Up
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/7/2007
Creative and good poem.

Twilight Starr
FrankCastleCM09 chapter 1 . 8/25/2007
I'm not too fond of poem type writing or poems in general but this isn't bad. I enjoyed the point of view, how it's simple and observant as well as that kind of hidden, depressive tone.
Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 7/30/2007
Ooh, Arky! :O I actually fancied this one. It had a nice way of telling a story, albeit in Poem form. Though do skip the perfectly torturous part. Or replace with something else.

I did like the italic parts though I must say. They added character. Expanded thoughts and such.

Good work and well done!
TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 7/2/2007
Hmm. I'm not really one for the whole constant parentheses style, especially when it's almost overdone as it is here, but it actually left a very strong impression on me and the poem overall was very surprising, shocking, and intriguing. I might have left out the (perfectly torturous) part because it just feels strange and out of place, but that's just my opinion.

Really, there's something very distant about this poem but at the same time it left a very strong impact on me. It sort of jumped out of nowhere, and that's very good. It's powerful, well-written, and intense, without being too over-done, long, or strangely complex. Really, it's just very good. Personally, I might have wanted to keep the "normals" as "normal yets" (as opposed to the "How normal is she" in the last stanza) for a sense of unity between the three stanzas and a common theme in the poem, but the general theme of "normal" ended up working fine as well. Anyways, great job. You've created something strangely powerful here.
Gripe chapter 1 . 6/21/2007
Ooh.. very nice. I feel the parentheses were overused, but they added abit of depth to the story. I love it. (:
tesa131313 chapter 1 . 6/19/2007
Funny because how close to normal CAN one get?

This is a really good story-poem you wrote here.
a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
Wow. This is great. I like the stress you put on "normal" in the poem. It creates a kind of... I don't know, ominous feeling? Not sure... Anyway, wonderful job!
VIOLENTLYmistaken chapter 1 . 6/9/2007
Thank you so much for the reviews

I like this alot, especially everything in the brackets, like they're details that end up being so important to the whole picture...

I think I screwed up trying to explain it ha.

Good Job
SirScott chapter 1 . 6/8/2007
I would like to meet one human being who was declared to be normal the world could imitate him then we could all be normal.

SirScott
AK the Twilight chapter 1 . 6/7/2007
You need to be careful with parenthesis; they can explain, but they can also interrupt a good line or so. Think of ways to integrate them into the poem, or find ways to place them a bit better to explain. The poem is very enigmatic and can seem a bit haunting, but your prose is quite well-written. Keep up the good work.
Devin Brines chapter 1 . 6/6/2007
It was pretty good. I thought you overused some of the stuff in parentheses. I didn't like the ones that said "too dirty", perfectly torturous, weren't not to talk to each other. I didn't like "how close to normal is she?" a ton either. It was too long to flow with the lines around it. Stuff in parentheses can be great for emphasis when you use it sparingly, but it loses its touch when you overuse it.
Bri Neves chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
Ooh, I read this earlier and forgot to review it.

Very nice. I like how this tells a story. I also enjoyed the way you ended it-very clever. I also liked the way you formatted it, with the italics and stuff. It created a nice effect.

Good job. _
Ashelin chapter 1 . 5/30/2007
On the surface of this poem it doesn't seem as emotional as I really think it is. But I can feel it. This was great, wonderful job.