|Reviews for Ghosts in the City|
| Pseudonym83 chapter 2 . 1/15/2008
Oh, and the Marta thing makes me laugh.
Especially since the guy's name is Ben. Which is basically Brad.
You know me and my weird sense of humor.
| Pseudonym83 chapter 1 . 1/15/2008
So, I wasn't sure which story to review first. But I chose this one so I could show off my musical knowledge (ha) and also because I like it a lot.
Chapter One is sung by Tegan and Sarah.
Two is Daniel Powter or something that sounds vaguely like Powder.
Three is The Fray
Four is The Beatles
Five is Fall Out Boy
and Six is Flogging Molly.
Wo. Go, Lauren! (This is Lauren, if you haven't caught on to that yet.)
So, onto the whole review thing. (I always feel pretentious doing these, even more seeing as you are... well... Rachel - the girl I used to hate as a kid but now spend Friday nights with)
Oh, by the way, I had a time trying to re-locate you this afternoon. I don't think fictionpress likes you.
So, I really like your writing style. The clipped sarcasm. I wish I wrote more like that. No. I write paragraphs that are one sentence. But anyway...
The main character. I really like her. She is funny and sarcastic. But not over done. Realistically done.
The plot is funny. And different. I like it.
I also really like that the chapters are short. I know most people like those really long ones, but I personally like shorter ones better. They are just easier to read for some psychological reason. (This also makes me a hypocrite. In some cases). But I'm guessing that the chapter length might have something to do with CWS? Do you guys have a word cap?
You're right about Ben's character falling a little flat. But at this point, I think it's all right. I don't think you really need to rewrite the whole thing. What you have going is good, I wouldn't change it.
The interaction between Marco and Eleanor (I use this name in writing a lot too, oddly enough) is really natural and not forced, and best of all is funny. That's an area where I'm terrible, so I envy you that.
So this is obviously from last year's CWS, are you still working on it? You said you were going to rewrite... but I don't really think that's necessary.
I don't really have much to say, seeing as it's nearly ten, and I get really dumb at this time of night. And I just proofread my research paper for Worachek. And now Ryan is interrogating me.
It's weird saying things like this in a review and knowing that the person will actually get what I'm talking about.
Don't feel obligated to read my stuff, Rachel. It's really long and headache inducing. That's not a lie. In fact, it's semi-embarrassing. But do whatever you want.
See you tomorrow (Weird).
I might review your other stuff. I'm not sure. I'm pretty lazy. Well, at least not tonight.
| TragicDreams chapter 6 . 8/9/2007
Ah! Ah! Ah! He can't die then the whole story is over. It doesn't make it unique anymore. UPDATE SOON!
| ihrtbks chapter 6 . 7/16/2007
Ben's dead? Why's she going to London? The thing with the British ghost possessing an old man and making it Elle's grandpa was funny.
| Agapantha chapter 6 . 7/10/2007
Another great chapter - quite sad really, but I desperately want to see where you're going with this.
Thanks for the read
| Murphy's Lawyer chapter 6 . 7/9/2007
Yay! I win!
Good chapter, except for one thing: BEN CAN'T BE DEAD, GODDAMN IT!
Sorry, but he just CAN'T be dead. Ghosts and living people would have really dysfunctional relationships. Like, more dysfunctional than usual teen relationships.
As for the songs, "Over My Head" is by the Fray, and "Sugar, We're Going Down" is Fall Out Boy. Other than that... *shrugs*
Update soon! AND BEN CAN'T BE DEAD!
| JaimeG chapter 6 . 7/9/2007
Yay. I love british ghost
| JaimeG chapter 5 . 6/27/2007
If ben dies im never speaking to you again.
| kelyn chapter 5 . 6/25/2007
ah man, it seems ben was only holding on for her! jeez she killed him!
| Murphy's Lawyer chapter 5 . 6/25/2007
OH MY GOD! :'( No! Make him better! Elle, get your ass over there NOW!
Oh yeah and I finally figured out the connection with the chapter titles. It's song titles!
| ihrtbks chapter 5 . 6/25/2007
You can't kill Ben! Marco's ghost is such a pervert; Marco's a little arrogant, but in an endearing way...sexy Spaniards...
| Agapantha chapter 5 . 6/25/2007
Eek! - what a cliffy. You're not aloud to do that to me! I expect the next update in, oh, *looks at watch* 3 mins. lol X D Nah - twas really great, I was abit confused about Marco's ghost, but then when he reapeared again it was all sorted out. Loved it - keep going. Please.
| StarDust1880 chapter 4 . 6/18/2007
lol, that's a nice way to make him feel welcomed. god, that ghost is a b!#%!
| JaimeG chapter 4 . 6/18/2007
ahaha omg love it to the max..
can i have a sarcastic spanish boy too?
| ihrtbks chapter 4 . 6/18/2007
¡Creo que el capítulo es espléndido! Poor Marco and poor Elle. Having Marco's parent(s) find them in a "compromising" position was probably not the best first impression. I'm going to quit guessing until you provide more chapters; then, when I finally get it, I'm going to go, "I'm so stupid I should be outlawed." I should probably also try using Ockham's razor, right?