Reviews for Swallows in Hawaii
painting andromeda chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
The rhyme scheme is impeccable.

Stay well,

Stephen
Snow and Spindrift chapter 1 . 7/26/2007
ah such a different tone from the one i just read... sad, but very good all the same. flows beautifully, wonderful imagery and word-choice throughout. the rhyming in the first stanza is also very creative; most people zero in on rhyming words together that have the same amount of syllabus, like "sun" and "run", but rhyming things like "sorrow" and "tomorrow" gives the poem a more in-tune feel i think, that makes it flow even better. well done :)
empathic life chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
Well, dearest. Let us see. I do like this, particularly the beginning. This poem reminded me of the way a flute sounds, actually. Very wispy and light, fleeting and flighty. Nice imagery, and a fabulous use of alliteration throughout. The rhyme scheme was very... etchy. It had definite rhythm and all, but it changed frequently, just by a beat or so. But no worries. The rhythm and rhyme discontinuities added to the overall effect of the poem, I think. Yes. I'm not too terribly fond of the ending. I mean, I like the idea, but something about it seemed off... In my opinion. And I don't see the connection to the title, except for the mention of a bird and a kind of paradise... So yeah. Maybe I do see the connection. Overall, a grand contribution to this wondrous world of poetry. Yours, Alex
Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
The progression and sound of this is marvelous. It seems that each stanza is crafted so succintly that it is a labyrinth of words that can only be appreciated through several readings. I like the simplicity of this. The way that it sticks to the central theme, and the thread of word choice that is concrete throughout. Quite an enjoyable read. Hope all is well with you. MD:77.
Ryustorm chapter 1 . 6/29/2007
still hopeful heh? surprised. not as depressing as i thought it would be but rather sweet and hopeful at the very end. but i still liked the begining stanzas better where you were taling about the little bird who flew away.

lovely sweet poem.
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
The first thought I had when I read this was that it reminded me of my poem "little bird, big heart," so I had to go find that and read it again, and yeah, they're very different poems, but they have a similar theme. You may be interested in reading that one. It's quite a ways down on my stories. Anyway. I liked this. It's simple, but the message is heartfelt and affirming, and that's nice to see. I didn't understand how the title fit into the poem, though, and I can't say I really cared for the line breaks, but I do short lines occasionally, as well. Still, nice job. Keep writing! :)
InViSiBlE wOmAn chapter 1 . 6/23/2007
You imagery in this is wonderful! Excellent job ;)
DeathMetal18 chapter 1 . 6/11/2007
Nice. It was deep. I liked it. Havent reviewed any of your stuff in a while and I thought now would be the perfect time. The thing I had a problem with in this is that, in the beggining with the boy in a cage, you make the boy seem way to much like a bird. A bird in a cage is normal so is less interesting to read about, A boy in a cage on the other hand is odd and neglectful and can have its own special meaning if you exploited it enough. Thats all my intellect rolled into one review. Not much huh? Oh well. Im over it.

-Twilight Wolf
Niels Stegeman chapter 1 . 6/4/2007
Absolutely wonderful! You have written some truly breathtaking imagery, like the "light-hued fields". What an interesting inspiration. Where did you come across this image? Wherever you found it, it inspired a beautiful poem, with some quite good rhyming. Good work, indeed!
Elliptical Shapes chapter 1 . 6/2/2007
Good imagery Baxter, I like this one. I like the pain involved in an ungraspable wish, an unachieveable dream.

Alan/gelina
the-foresight chapter 1 . 6/2/2007
You've probably heard this before, from me especially :p, but you are a great poet. Kinda reminded me of Shelley's "To A Skylark". Anyway it's a great poem, each verse builds up the idea so until you've reached a truly fitting ending.
WyrdWolf chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
Sad aura on this one. Well, duh. _ Not feeling very eloquent. I like the metaphor the picture inspired; strong words to use with it, and you used them well.

Shane
SirScott chapter 1 . 5/31/2007
I liked how you told what inspired this poem. Somehow, I don't think the little bird will return. Good job with this.

SirScott