Reviews for expecting and accepting
WyrdWolf chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
A bit too story-like for a poem, but it was still good. Strong ending stanza.

Wolfie
TaltushMeiMei chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
I understand what you aimed for here, but I think the way you tried to present it isn't the best way. First of all, this poem is a bit long. Quite a bit long, actually. I got bored very quickly because you were just telling me a story. I would have preferred you just do that - tell me a story. I think this would work much better as a short story.

Next come the mistakes. You used the wrong "there/their/they're" many times. "Their just kids" should be "They're just kids". Similarly, "Their used to be chivalry" needs to be "There used to be chivalry". You should probably go over everything to make sure there aren't any more of these mistakes lurking about.

Really, while your idea is solid and you've got a good deal of emotion here, this long, complex piece should not be a poem. It's too story-like, too chunky, and a bit awkward. You wrote it like you would a story, so why not just write it as a short story. A woman finds the picture in her husband's wallet and then suddenly everything makes sense to her? It would work. Like this, you've got a long, slightly awkward poem. Also, at first I thought it was about going to college because of the first two lines. In a story, that would instantly be made clear. If you choose to leave this as a poem (which is of course an option), I'd suggest editing. You've got a lot of similar lines and many points where you repeat words too often right near each other. "blow", "injustice", "screw"... You often take one thought and reuse it to the point of over-doing it. If you want to leave this as a poem, I'd suggest cutting back on these sorts of things and also making sure things don't get too repetitive.

You've got a good idea, but you'll need to work on this a little.