Reviews for The Phoenix Warrior
Rebekah00710 chapter 5 . 5/31/2011
Ok... that was weird
ThEPlaguE chapter 5 . 8/2/2009
Very nice story..nice twist at the end about the main character:)
KathTea chapter 4 . 12/1/2008
it's "rotten" not "rotted". I like the bloodiness. Just really awesome... I wonder who would make a good Lyall in the movies. I suggest you promote this to Twilight Readers aka fanpires. They will love it! Btw, about Malachite, he's named after a type of stone? And he's albino? I imagine him exotically cute... lol since I'm not such a loyal reader, I just wanna say that I love this chapter, the way it's written, it's a golden ticket to a fantasy world... I'll try to promote this story to fanpires for you okay? One last questions, the vamps here function like the ones in Buffy & Angel?
Moonlight-Lilly chapter 3 . 7/9/2008
this story is beginning to get very interesting. plz update soon.
Draceline chapter 3 . 7/8/2008
long time no write... but you got back into the swing of things rather well. keep writing. your doing much better at that than i tend to do.
l3g3nd chapter 3 . 7/8/2008
Hi, it's me again, and wow, you've updated!

I'd say your writings have improved a lot, as compared to your previous chapters. This show how much can someone improves over one year's time. :P

Descriptions are just nice. Not too much and not too little to overwhelm the readers. It's definitely getting more and more interesting. I personally find the invoking of "prey, prey, prey" to be really nice.

Ah, suspense towards the end of chapter -_- You shall update asap!

Anyway, happy writing again. Hope to hear from you soon.

L
l3g3nd chapter 2 . 7/4/2008
Oh my, Mille is so cute! I mean, her awkwardness, and her shyness of course.

The descriptions for Lyall's sword and his battle with the bad guys (from Mille's POV) are both awesome. Nicely done.

And oh, it sounds interesting. The sword that only appears whenever he needs it. XD

Urm well, I'd like to say you're great in keeping the readers in suspense, and also keeping them engage. The whole plot is interesting and I didn't even get bored reading it, so good job again!

Happy writing anyway, hope to hear from you soon
l3g3nd chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
Hey there, it's L here...

This seems to be an interesting story. First, you've the descriptions (physical, emotional, and of course, the fight-scene descriptions) written well.

I personally like the insult from Lyall saying that the baldy's mom is a whore. Well well, I'd like to say that you've sharp dialogs as well.

The whole story is simple (not overloading with chunky words), cute (displaying the shyness of Mille, I guess), and interesting (the nice cliffy at the end of this chapter: a seemingly good guy saying something sinister).

My only CC will be that you should try constructing your sentences in a more complex, rather defining way. I mean, try switching more sentences into passive form, adding complexity to them, or perhaps making some of your sentences unique.

Such as...

[He did not look the least bit tired.] into [He, however, did not look the least bit tired.]

[He suddenly turned to look at her, and she abruptly realized she had been caught staring. She quickly glanced away, but couldn’t stop the flush that bloomed on her cheeks. She felt his curious gaze on her, and it only made her more uncomfortable. So it was with considerable relief that they reached the room rented out to him]

[Mille didn't know she was caught staring when he turned his beautiful dark brown eyes to her, her cheek flushed pink beneath the heat of his gaze. Finding that her heart was about to betray her emotions, Mille quickly looked her eyes away at something, at least not on Lyall. She heaved a sigh of relief when she figured out they had reached the room rented out to Lyall]

Anyway that's just my opinion. I like how the whole story is going.

Happy writing
KathTea chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
hi! XD tha story looks so much nicer here compared to the messy darft XD
hum chapter 2 . 6/3/2007
Thanks for updating!

I found one error:

"There was a sudden commotion from the tunnel leading into the cave, and a man was THROUGH out of it, landing with a thump on the ground. His eyes were wide open, and blood poured out of the deep slash across his throat."

(It should be THROWN, right?)

Keep writing :)
Draceline chapter 2 . 6/3/2007
Not bad. Very graphic. Good job.

Raven

P.S. I'm normally a woman of few words so please don't feel bad if I dont write much.
Draceline chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
very nicely done so far. i like lyall. he sounds like an interesting character to work with. keep up the good writing.

Raven
ham3 chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
Hiya! This story looks good. Great job on the insults. Please write more.