|Reviews for Wasteland A Couple's story|
| Sanareth chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
Sad and sorrowful really isn't my field of expertise... however certain aspects of this are top grade.
The most telling lines, seem to be where you've used the "I Do" from the wedding in such a manner that they appear to be answering the previous "Do you?" Query.
If I was to be as pedantic as an English teacher (And I have an English teacher who can spot a grammatical error at thirty paces)
Then I think that "Old age you know" Seems slightly out of place.
perhaps "Old age, another thing we share."
I'm afraid that's all I can give as I haven't actually read the Poem in question.
Don't let critics cut your confidence. This is a B for year twelve, solid B to A for year eleven and about ninety percent for years ten and under in terms of marks.
| Trey Terror chapter 1 . 6/1/2007
"Those stormy green eyes still look as intently at me, laughter filling the distance. "- fragmented sentance
"...and after of our lives together" of our?
"Older again, wrinkles begin to crease your brow. Smile and frown lines around your lips and mouth." beautiful line.
other then that... that is the grammatical critique... now the critique on prose...
beautful is all I can say.
Yes it may not meet your very critical english teacher's requirements... but it is a very nicely put together peice of writting.
At times it was grammaticly fragmented... if this was your doing then bravo... if not... that is probably where the teacher was like "blah" but the fragments were really only like... every once in awhile...
and I love the emotions of this man and how you write them...
in the end... fuckyour teacher... :-D your have skill so work with it :-D