I'm actually a fan of the words at the end of sentences repeated for the next line, and I don't like the question right at the end. but I do agree about the last four lines. It has nice imagery in the first four lines as well

I really disliked how you repeated words that ended a line onto the next one. Personally I believe it disruppted the flow, but that is just my opinion. Some people may love it.

Other than that this was great. I loved the last four lines, they really stood out. Especially the question at the end. You did a great job. Keep it up.

Ashelin