Reviews for Children in the Walls
Samurai Poet chapter 1 . 12/14/2007
This is beyond really good. This is an authors piece. The dialogue is flawless, the imagery is present and in full effect, and the whole piece has a real life, poetic, and kind of down-to-earth feeling to it. I can believe that it is not you, however I can't believe that you haven't experienced a travesty such as this. You explained it in such clarity and detail and the analogy at the end... wonderful!
please talk to me chapter 3 . 8/19/2007
I forgot I was writing a continued review. Oops. :)

"Even Gabrielle, the baby, slept silently and peacefully."

The 'the baby' bothers me here. I just kind of think it's already been clarified that she's the baby. I dunno.

"They’d felt."

Human-ness, once again. So human.

"“I’m nine,” the boy snapped. “I know how to take care of myself.”"

Very kidee. Kind of counter-acts the maturity of the kid. Good thinking.

"“When you run out of food, just come on down. I’ll get you more,”"

Nice guy. :)

"Help."

Oh I love that.

Well, I'm very caught up with this. It doesn't sound like I am, but I really love this. :)

Trust me.

I won't be disappointed.
please talk to me chapter 1 . 8/19/2007
chapter one-

"Flying above Lawrence showed much more than would be expected."

This really is a great opening line. Ten words. You already know they're flying, and they're above a place called Lawrence. I absolutely love it.

"seemed to glow like a blue snake"

I like that a lot. It's a little sparkle of pleasant imagery.

"Tiny fingers"

That's good.

"the level of awkwardness was high enough"

This, somehow, lightens up the mood.

"“I’ve got a lovely voice? Oh, that’s a first. It’s fine, really. I like kids a lot.”"

I like her already.

"I asked questions,” I said simply. “If you’re so curious to know, my name is Evan Kramer. I’m twenty-three years old, I have a degree in business, and I really have no home. I was staying at a hotel in Lawrence when everything flooded. I’m just as screwed as the rest of you. Is that good enough for you?”"

Warming up to this one, too. He's got an edge.

"joining the rest of the plane in dreams."

Ahh I love that.

"All thanks to a flood. We were the animals, getting off of Noah’s ark. But Noah had a new world, I realized. And what that meant for us, I had no idea."

This line is beautiful. It sounds weird to say, but it really is.

chapter two-

"“I had Gab, see, because Mom was busy, and then I was looking for any adult and I was next to her on the plane.” He looked down as his eyes filled with tears. “I want Mom.”"

So human.

"“Yeah, well you’re a man,”"

hahaha.

I really love the counting. And the last line...

"They were like drawings pressed into the sky."

I can't explain why, but this is such an amazing sentence.
the outhouse chapter 2 . 6/16/2007
i love this. i don't really know where it's going, but it's really great.

i like how at the end of this chapter, there's all the counting.

nice touch.

! have a nice saturday.
half-sketched.staccatos chapter 2 . 6/14/2007
konban wa

I'm going to have to make this quick since I'm pretty tired. Sorry.

*shudder* That last little bit seemedd really spooky - the numbers in between.

So how old is David anyway? My cousin's name is David (so is my brother's first name, though we call him by his middle name). I know - useless bit of information there, but whatever.

Firstly, I love the name Gabrielle. It's so pretty. Secondly, I have this extremely detailed picture of what she looks like. For some reason I keep thinking of this girl I sometimes babysit, though I have no clue why. Her name isn't Gabrielle; it isn't even close, LoL.

*shrug*

Anyway, wonderful chapter!

Zaijen

-Shan-
half-sketched.staccatos chapter 1 . 6/6/2007
konban wa

Wow - that was a strong ending, as was the beginning. And everything in between. *grin* Yes, what a helpful review.

You've got me hooked, I'll admit. I can't wait to read the next four chapters of this story!

Zaijen

Gute nacht

Shalom

O-daijini, tomodachi

-Shan-