Reviews for Becomming What Was Desired
Michael's Divinity chapter 4 . 10/7/2011
I am very intrigued with this story. It caught my interest from the first paragraph, and I haven't been able to stop. I must apologize for not reviewing each individual chapter... just too lazy to sign in. I read it on my phone, by the way.

Anyways, onwards to the chapters. I like the characterization thus far. Coal and Soun counter one another, which is nice. I cannot wait to see what happened to Coal. I am so excited.

Most importantly, I love your descriptions. I am a huge fan of descriptions, and I enjoy seeing them put in a way that just fancinate me. So kudos to you.

Do not worry about your chapters being short, it is what it is. It's all about the rhythm of the story. So if it feels right to you, all is well.

Now I dislike this part, but I do it strictly for help. I have noticed a lot of minor puncuation errors, nothing big. Some things were misplaced and others were missing. And you keep writing "lighting" when is should be "lightning". Other than that, no real big bones to pick. Keep up the good work. I look forward to finishing the story if it is indeed done.

Until my next review, I bid you adieu.
anon chapter 1 . 11/9/2008
its "scent" not sent.
Sekine Hana chapter 7 . 5/12/2008
I liked this chapter a lot.

By the way, cliffhangers are good. They leave readers hungry for more.

I found it a bit strange(and humorous) that you would compare a dog-like creature to a cat...ha ha

Nice work :)
Sekine Hana chapter 5 . 5/12/2008
Hi. I just began reading your work, and I can't deny that it's really pretty good! :D

I found chapters 1-3 really slow going. It could have actually been merged into one single chapter.

Your writing is really detailed and descriptive and AWESOME. But sometimes you put in details that might be unneccessary. Take the introduction of the old man for example. It didn't feel very important. If it does play a part in the plot, make it more obvious to the reader.

Really poetic writing that I love, with a lot of similes, metaphors and personifications. Keep it up and happy writing!

Oh and great characterization too!
Alex chapter 1 . 4/25/2008
"the moment only lasted as long as the lighting decided."

I just started reading, but I honestly had to interrupt myself to compliment that line. It's fucking brilliant. I even read it out loud to my sister XD and she just said "Wow, that's amazing" o.O Kudos. I'm definately going to keep reading, you're style flows so well ]
Kaitie chapter 5 . 4/23/2008
No. Kaitie likes this story *evil grin* but but but..that was soo sad, I liked Soun. Snuffles. Coals just a big jerk, I hope he gets nicer, please tell me he does cuz if he stays the main character and hes that much of a jerk...I KILLS HIM! Growl. Ok, I go now, and you must send this to me in some kind of email so I can do my thang and edit it cuz there's no such thins as a "silvered hair being" rofl. Okay, see ya, well now cuz ur here in yearbook but yeah. Luv ya! Kaitie
Lumaris chapter 37 . 4/1/2008
Aww that was a great and sweet ending! The story was amazing, through and through _. I'll miss it though *sniff*. It was a great read though! One of my favorites ever. And this is the 2nd story I've ever completed reading from front to finish on FP .

Well, as a writer and a reader, I'll try to give a properly constructed review this time. -snicker- (something less hyper hehe) You know my thoughts concerning the chapter (amazing, brilliantly written) now for the overall story as a whole! (Exciting, huh? )

To begin with, the characters are love-able almost instantaneously. Immediately after getting to know them, you never want anything to happen; and when it does, your heart is pounding and eyes welling, screaming "NO!" (I still get tear jerkers when thinking of poor Crail *sniff*) but yet it keeps the reader clinging, wanting to read further.

The adventures were profound and abundant; the friendship amazing and scenery written enchantingly. Overall, one of my absolute favorite reads in a long time!

If there is a second book, or if you plan out a trilogy for this, I'll be eagerly waiting for it. _.

After all... Coal's demon was hinted as one of the strongest... makes one curious _.

OK, this is an enormous review o.o! Hope it doesn't pop your eyes out reading buahahhaa! I'll miss getting updates for this, and it was so fun reading, that I'll have to read it again _! Good luck with editing and take your time (I know so well how long it can take... having spent so much time on editing myself ;). If you ever publish this, let me know! I'll be the first to buy! _

Farewell BWWD *hugs Coal, Daemyn, Soun, Aralyn, Rey, Crail, Gane, Dirahu and Aiedial*!

~

FoxyWriter
Lumaris chapter 36 . 3/30/2008
aw *cries* I'm so happy because it's such a happy chapter, but also so sad because it's coming to its grand finale. *sniff*

It's wonderful though - definitely one of the best stories I've read on fp! Eep I smiled from ear to ear and my eyes welled up when meeting Crail's family! It's not too sappy at all; the speech, the descriptions, the varied vocabulary - just everything was absolutely wonderful! There were a few errors with commas, but only like 2 that I noticed; which is a huge improvement!

I can't wait - but at the same time a little nervous (because it'll be the end T_T) - to read the final chapter of Becoming What Was Desired!

~

FoxyWriter
J. Rosemary Moss chapter 3 . 3/23/2008
I've been away from here too long-I've been missing out on a wonderful story ) I just caught up with Chapter Three. I'm still loving the strong friendship between Soun and Coal-though I'm inclined to side with Soun...I suspect that Coal can use a healthy dose of his caution!
Lumaris chapter 35 . 3/22/2008
yum! *takes chocolate egg* _

Happy easter and holidays as well :D

This was a great chapter! The scenes were great; I'm a little sleepy so I might've missed a detail or two, but overall, I could follow it pretty good. :D I wonder, when this is finished, will there be a second? o.o that'd be cool xD

Soun's reactions and demeanor is great too! It's very believable and adds to his character. Love this chapter _

Can't wait for the next one!

~

FoxyWriter
Lumaris chapter 34 . 3/6/2008
yayay! new chappie _! I can smell tension in the air O.O I wonder if Soun will warm up to the demons, or if there'll be a fight between them :S hope not... eek! can't wait for the next chapter!

Great chapter here! As always, the description is wonderfully well done and there were only a few minor punctuation problems (like, 2) - really good! :D Great work,and can't wait for the next one! _

~FoxyWriter
Lumaris chapter 33 . 2/21/2008
ITS BEEN 7 DAYS! WHERE WAS I! *bangs head continuously against keyboard* _
Michael's Divinity chapter 1 . 2/19/2008
I rather enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait to read the rest. I think that this (so far) has been written brilliantly, my favorite part was the beginning. Until my next review, I bid you adieu.
Lumaris chapter 31 . 2/11/2008
omg I'm crying T_T *hugs Crail* T_T I loved him :*(

lol I love al the characters... you've done so well at making them so loveable that now T_T Poor Crail! :((

Well written...sad...chapter... I suppose it did have to happen... it's obvious Coal hadn't the heart to kill, so that was good - and the reactions were very VERY (almost TOO) real T_T I do wonder what will happen now... agh... the celtic song I'm listening too, called "The Soft Goodbye" only intensifies the sadness of this chappy...

There should be a heroic tribute to little Crail T_T

update soon! I have to know what will happen next!

~FoxyWriter
Lumaris chapter 30 . 2/5/2008
aww thanks (hugs) xD

Yay _ I'm so happy! Most the stories I'm reading, I'm up-to-date on and no one updates for a long time lol Was really nice to see the gang of demons (and Crail) again xD Crail's so cute too! Crail and Rey that is xD

Anyway, I love the character development with Coal, and I'm still really interested in what's going to become of him in the end - and if he'd actually kill a child (which is sad) and if Soun actually will be brought back or not. Agh! So many curiosities O.O

Overall, great chappie, very enjoyable to read - and wonderful descriptions :D Update soon!

~FoxyWriter
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